ravel the thoughts

dark hours

2012-01-24T22:27:00.000+08:00

I don't know why lately I've been dwelling in this 'down dark moments' which I'm still trying hard to shove it aside. Kept thinking happy thoughts or been keeping me-self busy with baby girl which could make me happy for that short seconds, but God knows how littlest thing could even snapped me back to my core.

This, sucks.

Or more to sad, actually.

Entah.

Girlfriendddsss, I need you now :(

call me, I'm serious.

we're two!

2012-01-10T22:56:00.000+08:00

Need I say more? :)

♥

fever & cartoons

2012-01-05T22:37:00.000+08:00

Nia is down with high fever today. Woke up for the usual work-school routine and found that her body temperature is slightly higher. At first thought I would still want to proceed and let her fight it at the nursery but, I shoved that aside and texted the bosses instead saying I might need to take an emergency leave.

Showered & gave her a bath. The temperature went slightly better so I thought I could still make it for half-day then. Boy I was wrong. By noon, her temperature shoots up. It needs no genius to tell that she's obviously on high fever. Took the thermometer out anyways and it reads 39degC. Okay I am still calm. But the moment I saw some hingus dekat hidung and her eyes started to get all watery, that is it then. Off we go to the clinic/specialist!

So anyways doctor confirmed she's on viral fever. I'm concerned, for she'd always developed this fever-phlegm thingy it's becoming like a cycle for her and it's not fun seeing her sick. Doctor even said it's not normal for babies who's on fully breastfeeding to get sick that much. Could it be the nursery or what? Sigh. Anyways, this time, this lil smurf is smart though. She refused to be put into the walker, refused to be left on the mat, she needed the attention for every freaking seconds. She would even grasped my shirt whenever I'm next to her so I won't go any inch away. So what do I got to do to cheer her up. Wouldn't want to let her eyes get all swollen with that precious tears of hers.

I tuned up to this.

Yes, I let her watched the cartoons. It's a rare occasion okay sebab I wouldn't want to raise her by just glu-ing to the tv. And of course she's so engrossed with it. Happy with it at the end of the day too. Okay lah at least it helps Mama to not being too stressed out. Hehee.

Kids these days, huh?
Itu baru TV, belum iPad or anything related lagi. Aiyoh.

two-o-twelve

2011-12-31T20:01:00.000+08:00

Err, it's new year already? Seriously? Woww. It had been great, but personally I don't think it can beat 2010 though :) Was it just me or 2011 had been quite a fast threadmill one? Humhh..

1) I think for me, the main highlight of 2011 of course, the 'baby year'. I had a baby that I can called my own. A daughter. The perfect one. Couldn't have asked it to be anymore better then:) The departure of this lil one; It'll always remain as one of the sweetest memories I had. Thank You Allah S.W.T for granted her for me, Alhamdulillah and now I'm loving her more by days.

2) I had another round of surgery due to some stupid reason which is pilonidal absess or in its Malay word; bisul. It all started few days before my maternity leaves ended. Hubster & I went to KK (without Nia) to settle on the house and stuffs. The next day inside the plane I'd already had troubles to sit for longer hours. It hurts gila. The moment we landed we immediately went to the clinic for checkup and the doctor in-charged said it had gone bengkak so she had to refer me to a specialist. Since we're going back to KL, we walked in to PCMC instead. Doctor confirmed dia dah bengkak teruk I had to go under the knife that night immediately. Bila sedar doctor kata the wound was deep, boleh sumbat bola golf. Got 1 month and a half MCs. What a joy you may said but most of the time I was laying down (senget) sbb the pain was so sakit & I had to go to clinic for daily dressings change btw. It was hell. Tobat tanak anything related with bisul dah please.

3) I moved out from previous house to a new house in KK. Now I'm staying there alone with Nia. It has been better I can say. Easy access whenever Hubster came dropping by:) So yea, maturity level is going another level up. I'm managing own house now! Oh geez :) Couldn't have done it without Hubster's help though.

4) 4 of my bestfriends got married. Like, so surreal! It all happened in a blink of the eyes. End of 2010, Joey announced she's ending her singlehood in July. Then middle of April or somewhere, Yaa had to give us all a heart-attack and announced hers in July too. Then in May, Mubin had to tag along and booked hers in December. And then Yaya's the next following week after Mubin's. Madness! Not forgetting Fightersz' weddings in 2011, aiyoh, definitely the year of weddings.

I think that is all. Couldn't recall much of what happened in 2011 because like I said, I had it so fast.

Now 2012, be better ok! And slow down! :)

an achiever

2011-12-29T01:34:00.000+08:00

Woww, who would've thought it has been almost 3 years since I graduated from the university life. Randomly I was digging this blog, just to find the mood back when I found this. It startled me for a while. Like, wow.

That my friend was the cheesy graduation card given by Hubster (boyfriend, back then) after our last paper in 2008. I think we've always talked about what we would want to achieve in our life. And I couldn't believe that we've almost achieved it all. So why aren't I happy again? Be grateful Ieja!

I remember we've always thought of the future and what it's gonna be like. We've both got a job that we like, Alhamdulillah. And for #2, we can't really secure it as of now. Still need room of improvements and adjustments for stabilization. For starter, the distance that sucks? Hehs=) We've married, for almost two (Yes, T-W-O (2)) years now! A big hoorah or what? (so freaking old meh!) Of course there's always ups and downs in marriages but so far we're still on the track. Before, we used to draw our dream house together, the layout and everything, it's still fresh in my mind, the only problem we had with that now is of course the money, and the strategic location of it too la kot. Haven't found that one yet. We did bought a house, though I wouldn't really called it as our 'dream' house but yea it's alright for now.

In case you're wondering, the yellow censored ones were actually "Make lotsa Ahmad(s) and Aira(s)" so yes do not get shocked and muntah hijau when we were actually already firmed of our kids' names since we started dating (yes I am THAT think-ahead-controlling type). We've had our first Aira and we couldn't be more happier :) And for the rest, of course we're maitaining it, by God willing :) and no, sorry I couldn't reveal the last one just yet.

Wow. Like really, wow! When he wrote that last time, I laughed my butt out saying it's gonna take years for all that. And look at us now. Like, wowww right? Amen :)

food for thoughts

2011-12-28T01:46:00.002+08:00

I rarely blog about food because well hello, I am nowhere close to those food bloggers, and I didn't know much how to really sell the food through writings. You have to see me actually EAT it, then only it'll sells macam goreng pisang panas :D But this, this below is an exception.

Good Lord knows how much I love Milo. Those who invented Milo is such a genius. People craved about it back then! Even maid maid yang lari dulu pon semua lari bawak setin Milo. Betul tak betul tak? Dulu masa kecik2 selalu kena marah sebab bila parents beli setin Milo, tengok2 dah tinggal half sebab anak dia meratah serbuk Milo yang lazat tu. Heheh. To be honest, I still do it till these days. In case you're frowning now, you're missing one of the nikmat dunia btw. Heheh

And good Lord also knows how much I am obsessed with ice creams. Love love love that smooth creamy texture. I had even set my goals; should I live in my own house later, I'm gonna buy that ice cream maker I've been eyeing since like forever! Lepas tu duduk la gemuk sorang sorang, tak kisah pon! :)

Then, McDonalds just had to invent Milo McFlurry. Imagine, orgasm #1 being mixed together with orgasm #2, what do you get kids? Yea, FIREWORKS baby! I could eat 5 of this thing in a day. To make it better, lepas beli mesti lari lari naik office cepat lepas tu tabur serbuk Milo free dalam pantry tu. Duduk workstation makan sorang2 diam. Puas.

So dear McDonalds, please please remove the item from the menu list quick. Make something something not fancy McFlurry pulak! You're making me broke. Deadly broke. But anyways, thank you for the greatest invention by far. Thank you :D

Yaya D's love story

2011-12-26T14:29:00.002+08:00

2011 is indeed the year of weddings. From earlier this year with Kakak's to finally the closure of this year, Yaya's. It was a small affair ceremony whereby attended by both sides of families, and close friends. It was being held at the bride's super awesome house & the detailings were breathtaking I just had to be jakun for awhile:) Yaya has always been this wonderful friend to everyone. She's so sweet I think it's hard for people to resist her. Especially her beau, Z :)

Z & I, we work under the same roof but in different departments. What I can tell about him is dia seorang yang cool, kaki golf, and well doesn't care what people gonna say about him because he lives life to the fullest. Match them both and you get the hippiest awesome couple in this planet:) And, good looking too!

Will update the pictures once I load those into the pc but as of now let's just settled with this gorgeous one. The reception's gonna be in April 2012, to be combined with the other pretty sister :)

CONGRATULATIONS YAYA DENIL!

Wish both of you nothing else but well.

Couldn't wait to kacau both of you in KK later :D

Dirakora gets herself the surprise

2011-12-24T02:31:00.002+08:00

I know we'd celebrated Dira during Mubin's reception last weekend but at the very last minute I think we'd better do a proper one since she's always been the backbone of each events and it's only fair to throw the same fabulous one for her (afterall it's gonna be another excuse just to gather these people up:) )

We planned it at the very last minute. Lucky I got help from Zura who owned her own partyshop, BelliButtons. So the first few days it was more on designs and cutouts and all such. Printing and all was done by her=) Thanks Zura! Things were wonderful=) She even gave complimentary favors (choccies) for each of us, how extremely sweet & generous right?:) Well, overall it wasn't that perfect but it was pretty satisfying to see that shocked ear-to-ear smile from her :) Worth every cents I tell you laa heh.

As usual, we depend too much on Dira for photos and everything so obviously there are no pictures during setting up and proper arrangement sebab none of us brought our cameras and it was too dark to use the iPhones.

Finally, I think what's missing are the bouquet flowers and the macaroons. They should've be there, mana hilang ah? LOL tak kisah lahh, pffftttt :)

and my most favourite picture of all, of course;

Boy I had a little too much of dosage this two weeks it's gonna be hard to leave to the same routine life next week. Wish us luck! (:

been awhile..

2011-12-23T01:09:00.002+08:00

It's been long since I last actually typed what I actually felt here. For it all down to few reasons. One, I just couldn't find the proper time. Should I have any pon, I'd prefer to allocate those for my prayers, shower, proper lunch/dinner, work, house keeping and spending every seconds possible with my baby girl. Second, my works are no ordinary works. When I'm back in KL people tend to look at me and say "wow bestnya cuti, you seemed so free" I'd just gave them a polite smile but no, our works in Operations are not like that. I was once woken up in the middle of the night just to get calls from Operations informing certain failures of the equipments. And I bet my colleagues would do the same; checking mails and info about our platforms 24/7 for it's our responsibility to maintain it. So yes, my mind couldn't work wonder for it's now occupied with works (real technical works btw, not just some stupid planning/presentation stuffs), and my baby girl. These two matters most, as of now.

Third, I don't feel that comfortable writing in this blog anymore, I feel naked here whenever I write. Too many unwanted visitors and traitors came here, apparently. Hence I'm only keeping this blog informative; sharing infos, ideas & experiences. Four, thanks to Twitter, I'd let it all out, there. And of course I'm keeping the account private and monitored those small followers of mine. They knew anyways how emotionally unstable I could be at times but I've got to throw the garbage out somewhere, if its not here then of course there. Thank God they have the timeline so they could've just ignored my emo tweets, all the time=)

I'm currently sad with my life. Trying hard to keep the head up high but being the fragile me, of course kadang2 tak boleh tahan. I'm fine in raising my baby girl, no issues on that but I am extremely sad seeing how lonely she is whenever it's just the two of us at home. She'd cried, clingy and threw tantrums everywhere, for wanting that attention from me. I'd given it all, trust me. But it ain't enough for her. While I'm on leaves this week, she'd shown how happy she is, with loved people around her. That just makes me ponder that it's so sad seeing her growing up in such loneliness :/ So I'd made up my mind to not be selfish and will keep on continue sending her off to nursery (at least she would have friends there, different world than that lonely world with only her mummy in it).

I'm not really financially stable, but takde la tahap kronik mana. It's just that it all is enough, as of now. Takde kurang takde lebih. Of course I had to fork out from the little piggy bank should I want something for myself, and it's sad that people judged me from that. Just because I worked hard on my savings to earn what I want, people tend to say I'm luxurious. Hey don't blame me kalau kau entitled for that 5-star hospital tapi ego kau yang tanak pegi, lepas tu nak cakap aku yg nak class. Tolong! Husband & I cried days masa nak start bayar rumah. Worst when Dad's not helping at all, dia sibuk ingat kami kaya macam anak dia yang lain. Husband hadn't had meals for weeks just to survive it, makan malam je sebab balik makan rumah Mak masak. Seek help from the husband's family, and no point jugak sebab Abang is soon going to have a baby and he needs more money now than us. But like I said, Alhamdulillah so far takde yang kurang takde yg lebih. People tak noticed how much we'd spent on air-fares itself just to meet each other (around rm2k per month itself) People would asked us, why? it's okay money isn't important afterall, we needed that hugs and support from each other more to survive.

I'd cry buckets to just thinking what should I do in this life. Shoud I just quit and work somewhere closer to home, or should I just wait for eventually rezeki would still datang. I don't know. I can't tell. Tengok lah tahap kesabaran sampai macam mana. As for now, I prefer to embrace the life dengan hati girang. I'm praying so that the least I get is hati tenang. This post is so random I know. And you'd just spent pointless minutes reading it, sorry heheh.

Btw, been thinking to make this blog private soon. I just had to, sorry.

Binbin's Big Day

2011-12-18T23:38:00.001+08:00

Mubin is now married, yayyy!! :) It was of course one beautiful affair. From the flowers, the dresses, the atmosphere, the bride, the ceremony, the crowd, the food, and everything else in between! She's truly happy, I can tell, we all can tell that. She's smiling ear to ear! And it's been quite some time since she truly let herself dwell in this type of happiness. We are all happy for you, Bin :) Mucho ♥

Nia on the other hand turned a bit cranky, well-behaved still but she's not liking the huge crowd I think.

Plus it's amazing how we all grew up. The crowd is filled with glowing mummies to be, busy mummies and babies, and of course the patience husbands. Still, the familiar smiles were there=) Oh such comfort! I can't wait for the big gathering next year, been missing you girls.

all photos, credit to Dira.

random Sunday

2011-12-04T08:51:00.001+08:00

"ku berikan cintaku juga sayangku

percaya padaku ku kan menjagamu
hingga waktu menjemputku.."

- Ungu, 2011

of solids

2011-12-01T21:29:00.001+08:00

You have a 6-month-old now! Wait, what? (Cue record scratch.) While those sleepless nights often felt like an eternity, the months have flown by, which only means one thing: When the next six months fly by, you'll have a (gulp) 1-year-old.
OK, now we're getting misty-eyed with nostalgia.

What You're Thinking: "They grow up so fast. Sniff!"

-Parents Connect-

Babies start the first four to six months of their lives nourishing themselves with a sucking-type motion with a breast or bottle. So learning to eat solids takes time. But first, a baby needs to be physically ready (able to hold his head up independently and has lost the tongue-thrust reflex). Once your pediatrician has given the okay, start with a small amount of rice cereal and a spoon.

Nia started her first solid a few days before she turned 6months. Wanted to wait a bit longer but I just had to proceed beforehand because I was planning to leave her for a week off at offshore (plan aborted btw bohoohooo). It was Heinz's farley rice cereal biscuit where I puree-d it by mixing some of the breastmilk. She loved it! At home we tried blended brown rice porridge & again, she loved it too =) By then I knew she's growing up. Sniff! So fast. Sniff!

Then comes the question: do I make my own baby food or just buy those from the shelves? If you ask me, I'd prefer to make it on my own. Filled with love (haha kidding). It's healthier of course! Think about how many chemicals they've put in the processed baby food. Then they'll claim healthy baby food blablabla at the label, DHA whatever, oh come on. Are you buying those lies? Seriously? After all, why spend all that cash on the pre-packaged baby food when you can do it yourself? (Just think of all the onesies you can buy with the money you'll save. Or bags! You can buy bags! ;p)

So anyways back in KK, living alone with my baby ain't one easy thing. For starter, she's a bit clingy. Second, she wouldn't let me out of her sight even for a second. Third, she doesn't sobs, she screams! Combine that three & try to imagine me running here & there, getting things done. That does not even include home care; laundry, dinner, cleaning up. You have, no idea.

I then made up my mind to invest a little and bought Beaba Babycook. I was inspired by her of course. I made researches and apparently Babycook is one of the most popular top 3 baby food processors in the market today for the Babycook does three jobs in one. It can either defrost your baby's meals, cook them, or puree them! It's definitely one of the more expensive baby food accessories out there but the fact that it takes the place of several kitchen appliances makes it a little more economical than it first appears! The first time I used it, I fell in love with it instantly. Easy to use, cute & the texture of the puree is so smooth Nia's so loving it! (sebab before I use normal blender and texture is a bit rough & Nia makan 1-2 spoons lepas tu dia dah meragam tanak).

Btw apart from Babybook a more economical price-wise range is of course its closest competitor; Philips Avent Combined Babyfood Steamer & Blender. Another cool appliance I must say. Extremely easy to use. Serves more like Babycook except you have to terbalik kan it from steamer to blender. Never use it so I can't speak much about it but I heard the blender has few parts so it's easy to dismantle and clean. And people tend to compare the quantity of the results that these two gives. Obviously from the look of it this Avent can blend MORE.

Anyways, alternatively for baby food processors other than these 2, the top 5 includes Baby Bullet and The First Years Babypro. Go google yourself. But Baby Bullet's kinda cool =)

Then of course; the containers. I was having such a hard time trying to find containers to store Nia's purees. I wanted to buy those cube-sized frozen pack but haven't got the time to buy yet. I almost buy these Tupperware sets online too! Colourful, I like! But Hubster was quite against it for he said tak BPA free.

Until I remembered I have Avent's breast milk storage given by my sister. I haven't used it for I stored Nia's milk in storage bags. This Avent's storage bottles can be used as bottles terus as reviewed here (quite cool haa?) but sadly I'm not using Avent system. So this is the perfect timing bebeh! I was so happy la of course I can finally utilize these cute babies. The size is just perfect pulak tu kan, tak colourful as Tupperware's though but who cares? It's Avent & it looks cool bebeh! (: Thanks Ina! So now I puree-d a few then I store those in the freezer. Yayy! One happy mummy.

By far, Nia has eaten apples, pears, persimmons, bananas, carrots, brown rice, kiwi, and sweet potatoes! Can't wait to buy more for her (it's hard to find organic fruits & veggies here in KK. Sad) Btw if you're solidify your baby too, don't forget the 4-days rule! :)
and yes, I love my Babycook that's why I just had to review it =)

plugged milk ducts

2011-11-25T20:23:00.001+08:00

7 months of breastfeeding (yes I am still breastfeeding Nia, Alhamdulillah for the rezeki) never did I encountered anything serious on breastfeeding issues. Since Day 1, Nia was already smart to latch on me and my milk already started to leak on the next day itself. It has been a ride I must say. Experiencing the hyperlactation for the first 2 months (it was a nightmare for it was leaking all the freaking time!), and suffered from insufficient supply after the bisul surgery and Alhamdulillah things got stabilized now.

Then, the other day, it all started on that night when I was about to put Nia to bed. I breastfed her on the left side for I knew it was full. Boy for the first time, I felt the pain. I just couldn't bear it I had to make it stop and gave her the other side instead. Thought it might be just because of the nipple sore or something so I just shove it behind and let it go.

The next morning, at the office when I was pumping I felt the pain again. It was only mild at first so I continued pumping but lessen the force of suction. Of course, the production on that left side was lesser than usual. Thought it might be because I might be lack of water, stressed or something, again I ignored it. During the evening pumping session, things got worst. When the suction tried to pull the milk out, I could no longer bear the pain and managed to only get 1oz for that left side! How sad. After pumping I did a quick checked on the breast and noticed that it was hard, even the nipple was hard. Compared it with the other side and I immediately knew what that might be. My milk ducts might be plugged and some of the susu got keras inside nipple path.

Called a friend to make sure it was really happening. She suggested to tuam the breast by putting a hot towel on it (somehow to cair kan the susu inside). With no shame I did the tuam at the office (putting people's laughters behind and hello it's not like I'm that naked in front of you I was only inserting a hot towel inside my bra and you can just see the bump. Grow up) Anyways it doesn't work! The pain got crucial and berdenyut I started to cry.

That night after picking Nia up from her nursery, I was advised to nurse her using the sore plugged breast. Of course it was hell!! Siap nangis2 semua sampai few times Nia paused & looked at her crazy mother. At the same time I tuam-ed a bit too & lama2 tu it felt better. Pain got lesser & I was so happy!

After she finished her feeding time, I burped her & a little of solid milk came out! Impressive Nia. Thanks for easing Mummy's pain away lil smurf! Now still ada la sikit2 sakit tu but it wasn't as crucial as that day. Memang kena nurse nurse nurse & nurse Nia more frequently je laa. Thank God her appetite is increasing now too.

So what is plugged milk ducts?

If you're making milk faster than it's getting expressed, it can get backed up in the duct. When this happens, the tissue around the duct may become swollen and inflamed and press on the duct, causing a blockage. The first sign of a plugged duct may be a small, hard lump that's sore to the touch or a very tender spot in your breast. Some women also notice redness on their breast. The area may feel hot or swollen, but may feel better after nursing.If you feel achy, run down, and feverish, it could be a sign that your clogged duct has become infected. (Left untreated, a plugged duct can evolve into mastitis, so don't ignore the symptoms.)

Painfulllll. Hopefully it doesn't strikes me twice! Tobattt.

some things will never grow old

2011-11-24T04:18:00.001+08:00

"Friendship? Yes Please."

-Charles Dickens -

lights, home, action!

2011-11-06T12:59:00.001+08:00

I'M HOME I'M HOME I'M HOME..!!

Yes I am so happy to be home since yesterday for Eid celebration, and since I'll be having 3 days of training here in KL, I got the whole week then. Weehuu. It was nerves-breaking to bring Nia on the plane again. I booked the ticket late so the front seats with the baby cot were all fully booked. But luckily when we boarded the plane at 6am that morning, the 3rd seat was empty so we get to lay Nia down on the middle seat and she enjoyed it of course. And yes of course I had to import Hubster all the way to help with the stuffs too. Couldn't managed to bring that alone, together with Nia lagi. Mati oi!

Anyways, we're very much looking forward to start installing lights in our house. The house dah siap since May I think and kinda rugi la kalau tak sewa kan, we're just paying the bank macam tu sahaja kan. (that explains why we are so drop dead broke lately). And of course if nak sewakan kena la start install all the necessaries: lights, fans, airconds, etc.

I just couldn't find the time to google ways to decorate the house just yet, (am planning to renovate it later, the house's kitchen was so small I feel like crying, and the top roof we are so gonna do the sky garden there, and inside the master bedroom there's a small room that's gonna be my walk-in closet so far I foresee, blablabla mana kau nak cekuk duit Ieja? hehs) but so far we'd already had a few shops to attend to so far. Since it's gonna be rare for me to go back to KL now, I must make it into my must-do list this week! If you are a cheapskate like me and googled "kedai lampu murah" (it's cheap lighting shops), you'll find that most of these people LOVE this shop. It's in Puchong, and apparently it's the cheapest in town! including its chandeliers of course. The prices it offers ranged from RM100-RM1k for each piece of chandeliers. Wow, couldn't wait to lay my hands on each of it then. Maybe I'll bring my mum/dad to help me pick out the lights too :) Will review more once we'd been there ok!

Forget the paintings first for we're gonna rent it anyways. No point in that, as of now. What else, what else? Wee, guess you can tell I'm excited right! :)

Btw, selamat hari raya people!

Sorry in & out.

Go enjoy the time with your family, for it matters most now :)

almost 6 now

2011-10-29T09:36:00.000+08:00

Happy Halloween people! (:

Nia gets to dress up as cute skeleton while her mummy gets all bimbo and just couldn't find any suitable costume and decided to make one stupid handmade santa hat (actual santa hat got bailed out by someone who offered to kasi pinjam 2 hours before the makan makan). Hehee.

Look at her, she's so big now. I would be bias to say she's the cutest thing on earth but apparently, she is!, to my eyes at least. But of course she has flaws, we're humans la dang! Like how her right ear is bigger than the other, hehee. Btw she can now push herself to mengengsot, though she refused to do it most of the times. She prefers to be sit down like an adult and would push herself up using her tiny legs. My prediction is she might be a lil late to crawl but she's quick to get on both of her feet. Nia's hand control is well-developed enough too that she can rake objects toward herself. She may not actually grab it, but she can bring it to her. That's an achievement :) And the thing becomes her snacks afterwards, of course.

Nia is so manja. She loves to sing in the morning, everytime she wakes me up (yes she did, every morning), in the car or even in her playpen. And I think she's about to grow her teeth too. She gets grumpy when I told her not to suck on her thumb or suck on her dressed and she hates her teether too. After bottles issue now teether pulak ke sayang? She hates everything artificial related to her drinking/feeding/teething. Matik la mama oi! But she is yet to take any solid food though, basically because I haven't got the time to properly make good purees for her, although I've bought the awesome Beaba Babycook (can't wait to try it!). Should be fine as I'm slowly introducing world-y food to her like I'd put some bananas on her lips, and such :)

Only thing is that my daughter seems to be, small. Ye, dia berketak ketak jugak, not saying she's skinny (and for the record, montel baby is cuter), just that believe it or not her size doesn't seemed to change much. She could even still fit in her newborn clothes. Bummer right? Because then I have to wait a lil longer to shop for her next clothes (ishkk ishhkk, *closing the Pumpkin Patch, BabyGap & Amazon tabs now* :/)

She's so attached to me at the moment because now's the time for her to recognize people around her and actually register them. Like the other day when both grandparents were in town and when its time for them to leave back home (on different days), she got so emotional afterwards she could wailed and would only want me to soothe her. So kesian. No worries darling we got our little family here. A lot of uncles and aunties here would love and care for you, just the same like home too:)

Until then, Mama will entertain you with more potential boyfriends ok sayang? :)

help?

2011-10-10T22:16:00.002+08:00

ANYONE KNOW,, IS IT NORMAL FOR 4-5 MONTHS OLD BABY TO ALWAYS CAUGHT FEVER?

Yang kes kali ni pulak siap selsema, terrible coughing, vomitting & the eyes got all sticky with some tahi mata around.

HELP?

'the day' when we found out about her

2011-10-01T04:56:00.000+08:00

When I looked back I never actually mentioned how did we first found out we were expecting Nia. Mostly because before, I was sorta held back to being over excited for I am worried if something worst happen I might breakdown down to the core punya and malu laa sebab dah excited tak tentu pasal kan. Hahaa and then throughout dah makin busy busy busy never mentioned it pon. And it has been 1 year since we last found out we were about to get our princess, but we'd always remembered the day. Always.

After married in January 2010 (gawk please! for it's almost 2 years now! I'm old) we figured out that it might be a little harder to immediately start a family. Come on, I was so young and naked there in Sabah and needed more time to swallow all stuffs surroundings. As for Hubster too, he was trying to find his route, adjusting to his comfortable working chair. 5 to 6 months down the road, I was starting to get annoyed with those questions, and we were like "yea whatever dude". Then we thought ala technically we met each other pon like 4 days je in a month and that was sorta a planning itself right? (chances tak banyak, hahaa) so we turned to bantai je la since that.

After Raya 2010, I had a surgery for cysts and had two weeks medical leave for the surgical wound to heal. After that two weeks, on that day, we went back to the hospital to meet the gynae for the follow-up check up. Everything was fine until the doctor asked me "have you had your period?" That was then I asked the doctor whether the surgery affected the period in any sort of ways because usually I exclusively tracked my period (thanks to the massive period pain of course and that period tracker so far has been quite accurate in predicting when's the next schedule) and supposedly my period of that month should be on the day I had my surgery and of course it didn't came. So I thought it might be a day late or two and after I had the surgery I thought they'd cleaned it up everything so no period that month.

The doctor immediately looked up at me and said "No it had nothing to do with your period". So she asked me to lie down and did a check up at me. I was nervous for I knew what that might meant! I lied down anyways and the doctor applied that gel and scan on me, and she said that magic line "You might be pregnant you know" That was then, I was stunned. The doctor then showed me, the placenta attaching and everything and she even showed the tiny bean. She didn't have a heartbeat yet at that time but yes, we could see the bean-size her and I was all butterfly-flop inside.

Funny thing here was, Hubster was so awed he couldn't even got up from his chair. He didn't even looked at the scan monitor for he was afraid it might be a false hope! Hahaa. He was holding back the excitement feeling so badly he had to turn away from me & the doctor. I got irritated at first for of course I'd wanted to share the moment with him but looking back, it was so cute I should've laughed hard that time. Haha!
The doctor then asked me to go do an urine test and off I go then. I still didn't want to believe the doctor but I performed the urine test anyways. Nurse came to collect the sample and I told Hubster "No, it can't be" Of course it can't be, I just had the damn surgery man! I was half-worried at that time (partly because of the surgery). Anyways, 30 minutes later the nurse came back to me and said "Congratulations ma'am, you are pregnant."

Stunned like hell, I asked the nurse three times whether she was so sure I am pregnant (at that time) and she answered "Yes ma'am", for that 3 times too. We were then ushered to the doctor's room again and the doctor congratulated me & everything. Turned out I was already 5-6 weeks pregnant at that time. I was so shocked to even reply and ask anything.

My mind was actually doing the math there. 2 weeks ago I had my surgery. That means I went for the surgery WHILE I was pregnant! Didn't or shouldn't the doctor should've checked for it first? What the fuck man! And worst, that also means I went for the surgery for nothing. Because if you read the post on endometriosis, the thing could actually got better once women got pregnant and delivered. So, be in my shoes now! That doctor, so failed lahh.

Anyhoo, being the denial me, when we got back home I still insisted us to go buy the pee stick at pharmacy to re-confirm again. Plus the nurse never showed me the double line from the urine test, she only said it directly to me, so I sorta need that slap of reality. We bough 3 sticks I think and that night after Maghrib I pee-d on it. And of course all three were showing the positive sign. That was then I could really smiled so broadly :)

Still remember that moment though, on how nervous I was, wondering whether I am capable enough to be a mother (that's one huge responsibility ok, and I wouldn't want to be the type yang reti beranak je tapi anak dia mak dia or maid or orang lain yang jaga, pffftt). ~~Nine~~ Eight months travelled so fast it was so captivating to catch up with Nia's development inside. Btw we've always knew what to call her so yes we already started calling her Nia even from that Day 1 we found out it's a she in there.

To remember all this, was such mesmerizing to me. I could sit and think about it long enough that I could even shed a tear or two later at the end of the day. I never at once regretted this moment and being a mother to her, in my life. I never thought I could be blessed any better with her by my side. She's truly an angel, really, I'm not boasting my child just for the sake of it. Whenever I look at her, I'd cry and thank the Lord, for what did I do to deserve such this little angel. Well I guess, God knows. Alhamdulillah =)

Just look at how fast she'd developed. The first picture was the one that's fresh from the oven and below was the first day she's going to ~~school~~ nursery. Time surely do just fly these days. Slow down baby girl! Mummy needs time, to inhale :)

I'm fine, thank you.

2011-09-19T21:23:00.001+08:00

Just got my internet installed at my apartment here, woohoo couldn't be more happier, for at least it feels a lil more like home now =) that also describes the silence of course. Been busy settling down.

Just a quick one here anyways:

1) Nia is doing fine. For the record she's still refusing to drink through bottles (or maybe she will only drank a little just to quench her thirst). It's more like she'll fast and will only get to drink (break fast) when I'm back from work.
2) I am fine too. Last week Hubster, my parents and family were around so yes they helped a lot for things were just everywhere! Mum helped in soothing Nia while I was at work during that 1st week.
3) Which also explains, the journey of single mother life starts, now. And yes, I will survive. InsyaAllah =)
4) Adapting to work needs some force. I need to be more (read: extra) visible for I'd been away for quite some time. I will survive, no worries. And yeps (Madhu, Wan, Khairil & Edwin if you read this, sorry for lacking off guys, thanks for understanding).

Ketupat & Rendang 2011

2011-09-06T01:39:00.002+08:00

I'm just gonna let the pictures do the quick talking here. It's finally the end to my fairytale long holiday. I'm going back to reality in less than 24 hours so I have no mood to elaborate much. Only Good Lord knows how nervous I am to start the new life as a single mother there, InsyaAllah..
Nevertheless I had a joyous one, thank you to my loved ones.

bukti semangat buat rendang

picture perfect #1

Moyang dan cicit nya :)

atuk seremban & nenek seremban

atuk KL & grandma KL

budak kesayangan dah besar :)

we used to fight a lot, & now fight a lot still :)

picture perfect #2

budak bulat

rakan rakan cantik manis

Epull demam pulak!

SELAMAT HARI RAYA

Maaf Zahir Batin

wordless wednesday

2011-08-31T02:04:00.000+08:00

com.plet.e :)

wordless wednesday

2011-08-24T11:32:00.001+08:00

the glee project?

2011-08-18T15:59:00.001+08:00

Whenever I'm home, I don't really glued myself to the television hence I am not fully aware of any new reality tv series that's ongoing, what's new and stuffs. I didn't even update myself with those favourites of mine anymore since it was kinda hard for the downloading of those.

And, I watched Glee occasionally on YouTube, especially if they're doing remakes of the favourites or any cool ones. But a reality TV series on Glee itself? Urm that's kinda lame, or at least my first thought was. Till recently, I accidentally came across one of their music videos and am actually impressed! (well, bolehh laaaaahhhh hehee)
Here are some of my favourites so far:

and my favourite of all;

of diapers

2011-08-18T13:58:00.002+08:00

Well, figured out to write a simple review about diapers while Nia's having her rest this morning. Look at her, still attempted to be so cute even in the ninja-ish look they gave her hehs.

So far, I only tried 3 brands of diapers, the ones that I'm familiar with and reviews from my sister itself. My niece & nephew developed quite a horrible diaper rash so my sister sticked to these brands and that was then I wouldn't dare to use others except these two (genetic skin factors, mostly)

1) Mamypoko

Well, the packaging is cute where they have Pooh bears on the top of the diapers and it's minimalism attracts me most. But the diaper is a bit wider and since Nia is a bit small, we find it hard to strap the diaper to her. It can be strapped of course but wouldn't be that neatly done since it's wider compared to her bum size.
Usage wise, it's quite good where it can lasts for quite a few hours and wouldn't leaked out. The first weeks of using it, at first Nia developed a little rash but after applying some cream now dah okay je dah. The downside of it is that we find this diaper is quite smelly. I know, weird, but once Nia poos, this weird smell appears. Tak tahu laa maybe it was just us ke kan, but Hubster said that too. Takde la busuk sangat macam bau kentut ke apa just that it has this one smell of its own :) And if Nia poos heavy, macam nampak from the outer side. Dia tak bocor, just that we nampak je laa the yellow-ish tu :)

2) Huggies Newborn

The first diaper introduced to Nia. Since newborn needs 10 to 12 diapers change a day (yes, that lot!) I couldn't say much on it's absorbance goodness. We used it pon sebab the hospital gave the diapers set for free after delivery & discharged, kitorg pon just kept on continue pakai yang ni je laa kan.

3) Drypers Wee Wee Dry

This one was the worst we ever experienced. The packaging was just okay, not that vain and not as cute. The size is perfect too and the price range is very affordable. The most downside of this diapers was that some of the diapers in the set tak boleh nak really use pon. Pelekat dia tercabut cabut laa, tertanggal laa. Horror okay! I got really annoyed using this one. Absorbance wise, sebab we used it while Nia still <3months and still poos a lot, I think it was just nice to be worn at home and kena selalu tukar laa dia tak long-lasting much.

4) Huggies Dry

Then we switched to this one. The packaging is quite a bleghh, or maybe it's just me because it's everything-blue. And I find Huggies brand is quite vain since they got Huggies word stamped everywhere on the diapers, so not cool. We bought this after the newborn punya sets finished up & Nia starting to gain weight, mainly because of its affordable price range. But I must say, it's only suitable to wear at home because it wasn't so dry after all. If I let her wear it more than 4 hours, the diapers will be all soaked up already and worst, pernah bocor! But at least it doesn't give that weird smell, hehs.
Size-wise is perfect. I like Huggies diapers punya cutting. It wasn't that wide, it's slim and it's long. So really, once it's being strapped to my daughter and after pakai rompers, it looks perfectly neat and nice, tak terkeluar2 like some others.

5) Huggies Dry Comfort

My favourite so far. Or maybe I'm just being biased because of its nice pink packaging heheh. The diapers are sleek-ier and it suits Nia's size just nice too. So it's just perfect.
The quality is awesome too. While we were in the hospital I only let Nia wears this one and being Nia, if she's sick, all she wants to do is sleep. So once she wore the diaper for more than 10 hours! Yes the diaper was THAT heavy afterwards but, surprisingly enough dia tak leakage. So yayy!

6) Huggies Ultra

We have this too but haven't got the time to try it yet, sebab the set was at Seremban heheh. Will update on this later.

By the way, a tip to all mummies out there: find a place that offers the best discounts for the diapers! Like we thought Giant would offered us the cheapest price so all these while we bought ours there (Dry Ultra costs RM60+ at Giant per set) but while we were at Jusco Seremban the other day, we found out they're offering Dry Ultra at only RM40+ per set! Felt so cheated man!

And, it's subjective to every babies too. Certain might suit with this one while others don't. So it's really a win-win situation with everyone, truthfully :)

Also, the reason why we got to experiment all sorts of diapers on her is we found the perfect cream to treat and soothe diaper rash (well not that we hope she gets one btw). So far she doesn't developed any terrible rashes yet because we have been applying this Egozite cream religiously every time on her nappy change. That is why though we kept on changing diapers, she's fine so far. It works wonder, no kidding. It was being recommended by Nia'a paediatrician. Another alternative for lesser cost is Vaseline. I tried Vaseline but it wasn't as good as this one so I'm sticking to this.

We also use the corn-starch powder by Zhulian. It smells nice, bubble-gum sorta like :) Tried corn-starch powder by other brands but none beats this one. My sister recommended it during Nia's mysterious poo poo misery since at first we thought she developed rashes, dropped out Drapolene (our family tak boleh pakai this one) and started using this one, tapi in the end, dia tak merah pon, entah sampai sekarang tak tahu apa punca before ni tu. In the end stick pakai this one je sebab proven good from niece & nephew histories.

Oh, and actually I've been thinking to switch to cloth diapers soon for long-term usage. Need support on that though because I know it takes a lot of commitment and well not all prefer washing the cloth diapers. Tengok laa maybe we'll just use it while home in KK and normal disposable diaper while out ke. We'll see how then!

when I drive myself my light is found.

2011-08-13T06:52:00.001+08:00

evergreen. deep!

Adik Iqbal Fahreen

2011-08-13T06:24:00.000+08:00

Just thought of posting this true story here.

It might be long, but I swear with my heart it was all worth it.

Kisah Benar : "Abang,tunggu mak di syurga ya"
Mak pandang jenazah abang yang terbaring kaku. Walaupun muka sembap, perut membusung, namun mak nampak ketenangan pada wajah abang.
Mak ambil pisau. Mak potong baju-T yang tersarung pada tubuh abang, baju terkahir yang abang pakai, Mak terpaksa potong kerana kerana baju itu tidak muat untuk melalui perut abang yang 'buncit'.
Tapi, mak akan simpan baju itu. Mak tak cuci, sesekali boleh mak cium baju itu, sekadar pengubat rindu di hati. Kemudian abah kendong tubuh abang ke pangkin yang telah disediakan. Lalu abah dan mak mendikan jenazah abang. Hanya kami berdua. Mak tak mahu orang lain. Biar tangan abah dan mak yang menjiruskanair buat kali terakhir pada tubuh kecil abang.
Mak nampak anak mata abah, berkaca-kaca, setitis dua air matanya tumpah, mengalir di pipi, tapi cepat-cepat abah sapu dengan lengan sasanya.
"Bang, jangan menangis. Kita selesaikan hingga ke titisan terkahir," begitulah kata mak pada abah.
Setelah abang dimandikan, mak bantu abah kapankan jenazah abang. Pun hanya kami berdua juga. biar tangan kami saja yang memakai dan membalutkan kain terakhir pada tubuh abang.
"Kakak, jangan menangis. tak baik buat abang macam tu!"
Itu pesan mak semasa kakak-kakak mahu mengucup dahi abang buat kali terakhir. Abah pula selepas mengucup dahi abang, cepat-cepat abah menjauh memalingkan muka.
Mak nampak air mata abah berjuntaian membasahi pipi. Dan buat kali terakhir itu juga, mak usap dahi abang. Mak senyum, lantas kucup dahi abang.
Mak bisikkan: "Abang tunggu mak di syurga ya!"
Akhirnya, wajah abang 'ditutup'. Kami sembahyangkan abang buat kali terakhir. Ramai betul jemaah yang turut serta. Setelah itu, kami bawa abang ke tanah perkuburan.
Abah masuk ke dalam liang lahad untuk menyambut jenazah abang. Alhamdulillah, semua kerja dipermudahkan. Abang sudah selamat di sana.
Bertubi-tubi mak terima ucapan takziah daripada tetamu yang datang. Abang nak tahu, ada satu soalan yang mereka tanyakan pada mak.
Soalan itu asyik terngiang-ngiang di telinga mak. Tanya mereka: "Kakak uruskan jenazah anak kandung sendiri, tapi setitis air mata tak jatuh ke pipi? Kenapa kakak tidak menangis?" Itulah soalan mereka.
Mereka hairan kenapa mak tidak menangis, sebaliknya bibir mak tidak lekang dengan senyuman. Kenapa mak masih mampu tersenyum di saat memangku sekujur tubuh yang pernah berada dalam rahim mak dulu?
Petang itu, mak duduk di satu sudut di ruang tamu rumah. Mak terfikir tentang soalan mereka itu. Mak tak tahu nak jawab macam mana. Kemudian, mak nampak sebuah diari di atas para di sudut ruang tamu.
Lantas mak capai diari kecil itu. Di dalamnya tercatat peristiwa yang berlaku sepanjang empat tahun dua bulan mak membesarkan abang.
Mak selak helaian demi helaian paparan kertas dalam diari yang sedikit usang itu. Aduh! Banyak sungguh memori yang tercatat di dalamnya.
Membacanya bagaikan meruntun jiwa mak kembali mengenangkan perjalanan derita abang sejak lahir hingga menghembuskan nafas terakhir.
Mata mak terpaku pada catatan peristiwa lebih kurang tiga bulan sebelum abang pergi. Mak rasa, di sinilah terkandung jawapan yang mak cari-cari.
Jawapan untuk soalan yang mereka tanya kenapa mak tidak menangis? Mak akan bacakan sedikit rentetan diari ini supaya mereka tahu kenapa mak tidak menangis, sayang.

Januari 2011- Perut abang semakin membusung kerana hati membengkak. kata doktor, semua organ dalaman abang sudah rosak,sudah 'reput'. Tak boleh diselamatkan lagi. Tidak mengapa. Hati mak berkata, cukuplah! Tidak akan ada lagi pembedahan untuk abang.
26 Februari 2011- Hari ini ulang tahun ke-4 abang. Dua hari sebelum itu, mak tanya, abang nak kek apa? Abang jawab, nak kek lori sampah!
Hah Hah.. Tergelak mak.Abang suka sangat melihat lori sampah yang lalu setiap pagi depan rumah. Sebab itu abang nak kek bentuk lori sampah,
Puas mak dan abah melilau sekitar Kuala Lumpur, tapi tak jumpa kek macam tu. Tak ada yang sanggup buat kek macam yang abang minta.
Mak kecewa! Selama ini, mak tunaikan apa saja permintaan abang, tapi kali ini mak gagal. Mak belikan kek coklat strawberi sebagai pengganti.
Dengan perut membusung, dada berombak kerana sukar bernafas, abang masih tersenyum dan nampak ceria melayan rakan-rakan yang datang, sama-sama menyanyikan lagu hari jadi abang. Dan ketika itu, hati mak sudah terdetik, mungkin ini hari jadi abang yang terakhir.
7 Mac 2011- Keadaan abang makin kritikal. Perut abang semakin besar. Abang tak mampu nak bergerak, lebih banyak terbaring dan asyik sesak nafas. Mak tak tahan lihat keadaan abang.
Mak bawa abang ke IJN, rumah 'kedua' abang sepanjang tempoh hayat abang. Kata doktor, tiada apa yang boleh dilakukan lagi.
Abang hanya menanti waktu. mak angguk perlahan. Mak redha. Dalam hati mak juga sudah berkata, masa abang tidak lama lagi.
Para ibu di wad tersebut asyik bertanya pada mak, macam mana dengan abang? Mak jawab: "InsyaAllah, abang akan sihat!"
Mak terpaksa cakap begitu pada mereka, sebab mak tak mahumereka semua lemah semangat jika mereka tahu abang sudah tiada harapan lagi.
Mereka pun sama, masing-masing bertarung dengan ujian apabila anak yang dikasihi ditimpa penyakit. jadi biarlah jawapan yang mak beri itu kedengaran manis pada telinga mereka. Pahitnya, biarlah mak sendiri telan.
13 Mac 2011- Hari Ahad. Mak pinta kebenaran doktor untuk bawa abang pulang kerumah . Doktor izinkan. Biarlah abang habiskan waktu-waktu terakhir bersama keluarga. Dan di saat-saat akhir ini, mak mahu tunaikan apa saja permintaan abang.
Di rumah, setiap hari mak akan tanya: "Abang nak apa harini?"
Mak masih ingat pada suatu pagi, abang menjawab: "Mak, abang nak naik kereta bomba!"
Mak termenung dengar permintaan abang. Bila abah pulang ke rumah, terus mak ajak abah keluar. Abah tanya pergi mana? Mak jawab: "Balai bomba!"
Sampai di situ, mak minta izin pegawai bomba. Mak kata, abang teringin nak merasa naik ke dalam trak bomba. Pegawai itu garu-garu kepala, kemudiannya menggeleng-gelengkan kepala.
Belum sempat pegawai bomba itu menjawab, lantas mak tarik baju abang ke paras dada. Separuh berbisik, mak beritahu pegawai itu: "Encik, ini anak bongsu saya dan hanya menanti masa untuk 'pergi'! Benarkan saya tunaikan impian terakhirnya ini!"
Bila lihat perut abang yang buncit dan dada dipenuhi kesan parut dan jahitan, pegawai itu tak tunggu lama. Terus diacapainya kunci, dibuka pintu salah satu trak bomba itu.
Dia dukung abang, letakkan ke atas tempat duduk bahagian pemandu. Abang nampak gembiru sangat biarpun cuma 15 minit abang di dalam trak itu. Abang tak perasan, mak palingkan muka lima saat. Sekadar mahu mengelap titisan air mata yang mula bertakung.
Hari lain, mak tanya lagi: "Abang nak apa?"
Abang jawab: "Abang nak naik lori sampah!"
Mak dukung abang, tunggu depan rumah. Bila lori sampah lalu pagi itu menjalankan rutinnya mengutip sampah, Mak tahan lori itu.
"Encik, anak saya teringin naik lori ni. Boleh izinkan sebentar?"
Pekerja itu tertawa mendengar kata-kata mak. Kemudian, mak angkat baju abang dan beritahu perkara sama. Berubah mimik wajah mereka.
Segera mereka angkat abang, letakkan di tempat duduk pemandu. Ada antara pekerja itu yang memalingkan muka, tak sangup lihat abang lama-lama. Sedih agaknya.
Begitulah seterusnya. Setiap hari, mak akan tanya pertanyaan yang sama. Abang kalau nak tengok gajah, mak bawa abang pergi zoo. Walaupun abang tak larat jalan, tak apa. Mak dan abah tidak kisah, kami silih berganti dukung abang.
Abang kata nak tengok burung, mak bawa ke taman burung. Abang kata nak main permainan robot, mak bawa ke kompleks beli-belah yang ada permainan seperti itu. Ke mana saja abang nak peri,semuanya mak tunaikan!
Setiap hari juga mak tanya abang nak makan apa. Macam-macam abang teringin nak makan. Martabak, nasi paprik, milo ais, cendol, air tebu, air bandung, rojak dan macam-macam lagi, semuanya mak tunaikanwalaupun makanan itu abang pinta pada pukul 3.00 pagi!
Apa saja yang teringin oleh tekak abang, semua mak cari walaupun abang sekadar menjamahnya sesudu dua. Apa saja abang pinta, kami tunaikan.
Mak tahu, mak faham, masa abang bersama mak dan abah semakin suntuk!
27 Mac 2011- Abang semakin kritikal! Nak bercakap pun terlalu lemah, apatah lagi untuk bergerak. Mata kuyu, hanya terbaringsambil memeluk Aina, anak patung kesayangan abang. Mak ajak abah bawa abang ke hospital.
"Kali ini kita bawa abang ke IJN, tapi kita mungkin akan keluar dengan tubuh abang yang sudah tidak bernafas!"
Itu kata-kata mak pada abah sebelum bertolak ke IJN. Mak mahu abah bersedia dan redha jika apa-apa berlaku. Sampai di IJN, abang terus ditempatkan di wad khas untuk pesakit kritikal.

5 April 2011- Mak telefon sekolah asrama kakak yang sulung di Seremban. Mak minta pelepasan daripada cikgu untuk benarkan kakak pulang.
"Adik tenat. Saya mahu kakak-kakaknya berada di sampingnya pada saat terakhir!"
Itu kata-kata mak pada cikgu dan akak diizinkan pulang pada hari ini. Kemudian, Dr. Adura. , doktor yang sinonim merawat abang datang melawat.
Mak memang rajin bercerita dengan Dr. Adura. Kebetulan mak ceritakan yang mak terkilantak dapat tunaikan permintaan abang mahukan kek berbentuk lori sampah.
7 April 2011- Pagi ini Dr. Adura datang melawat abang. Kemudian Dr. Adura beritahu ada surprise untuk abang tengah hari ini.
Rupa-rupanya, tengah hari itu datang tetamu yang juga rakan-rakan alam maya Dr. Adura membawa kek lori yang abang mahukan sebelum ini.
Ada dua kek mereka bawa. Mak tak sanka, Dr Adura tulis di dalam blognya kisah abang dan ramai yang mahu menyediakan kek yang abang pinta.
Sekali lagi, para tetamu bersama jururawat dan doktor menyanyikan lagu selamat ulang tahun untuk abang. Tapi abang kurang ceria, wajah abang tampak letih dan nafas abang turun naik.
8 April 2011- Tengah hari ini, masih ada lagi tetamu datang membawa kek berbentuk lori warna pink untuk abang. Tapi abang sekadar lemah. Abang sekadar terbaringmerenung kek itu.
Malam itu, semasa jururawat mengambil tekanan darah abang, bacaanya meningkat naik. Tapi hati mak dapat rasakan abang sekadar mahu meredakan keresahan hati mak. Malam itu, hanya mak berdua dengan abang di dalam bilik.
Mak pandang sayu wajah abang yang semakin lesu dan pucat. Mak duduk di sebelah abang, mak peluk dan usap rambut abang. Mak menangis teresak-esak bagai anak kecil.
Dalam tangis itu, mak katakan pada abang: "Mak tahu abang nak senangkan hati mak. Abang tak perlu buat macam tu. Mak tahu abang nak pergi.
"Jangan tahan-tahan abang. Pergilah. Mak sudah sedia. Mak redha segalanya. Mak puas dapat sempurnakan apa saja hajat yang abang pinta. Mak juga bangga kerana Allah hadirkan abang dalam hidup mak walaupun seketika!"
Abang hanya diam, memandang mak dengan pandangan lesu. Dan ketika itu mak menangis sepuas-puasnya. Dan mak berjanji tidak akan menangis lagi selepas itu! Ya, mak tidak akan menangis lagi biarpun abang sudah tiada lagi di dunia
9 April 2011- Pagi itu mak pesan pada abah agar bawa semua anak-anak datang ke hospital. Masa abang dah dekat sangat. Mak lihat abang dah kritikal. Wajah abang sudah tampak biru, lebam! Dada berombak, tercungap-cungap menarik nafas.
Abang dah tak mampu bercakap lagi sejak malam tadi. Makan minum pun tak mahu. Pakul 8.00 pagi, abah dan kakak sampai.
Mak suruh kak long bacakan Yaasin di sebelah abang. Mak suruh abah baca juga, tapi bacaan abah tersekat-sekat kerana cuba menahan tangisnya.
Pukul 3.00 petang, abang makin lesu. Lantas mak ajak abang keluar berjalan-jalan.
"Abang, nak tengok matahari tak? Jom kita turun kantin minum sambil tengok matahari!"
Abang hanya mengangguk lemah. Mak dukung abang dan kita satu keluarga turun ke kantin. Abang mahu minum air coklat. Tapi abang hanya minum seteguk. Kemudian, abang lentukkan kepala pada bahu mak.
"Abang, tu tengok kat luar tu? nampak taj sinar matahari tu? Cantikkan?"
Mak tunjuk pada abang sinar matahari yang kelihatan di celah-celah rintik hujan yang turun waktu itu.
Abang angkat kepala melihat ke arah matahari itu. kemudian, abang menguap.
"Abang ngantuk!" Itu kata abang dan kemudian abang terlentuk semula pada bahu mak.
Tiba-tiba jantung mak berdegup kencang.
"Bang, jom naik. Abang nak 'tidur'! Mak terus ajak abah dan kakak naik semula ke wad walaupun mereka belum sempat jamah makanan di atas meja."
Mak tahu, masa abang sudah hampir tiba!
Sampai di wad, mak baringkan abang atas katil. Dan abang terus merintih dalam nada yang lemah: "Makkk..sakit perut..!"
Dan abang terus memanggil: "Makkkkk!". Suara abang perlahan dan amat sayu bunyinya. Lantas mak letak tapak tangan mak atas dahi abang.
"Abang, hari ini, waktu ini, mak redhakan abang pergi. Mak halalkan segala makan minum abang. Mak halalkan air susu mak untuk abang. Pergilah abang. Mak izinkan abang pergi!"
Mak ucapkan kata-kata itu sambil merenung jauh ke dalammata abang yang semakin kuyu. Saat abang sedang nazak itu, mak panggil kakak-kakak agar mengucup abang selagi abang masih bernafas. Mereka kucup pipi abang bertalu-talu dan mula meraung dan menangis.
"Kakak! kalau kamu semua nak menangis, keluar dari bilik ini. Mak tak mahu abang dengar kamu menangis! Jangan seksa abang dengan tangisan kamu!"
Mak marah mereka buat begitu pada abang. Mak tak mahu abang lihat kami menangisi pemergian abang. Mak tahu, abang akan jadi lebih sedih dan berat hati untuk pergi bila melihat kami menangis di saat akhir sakaratulmaut menjemput abang.
Mak tak mahu tambahkan lagi kesedihan abang untuk meninggalkan kami. Abah pula hanya berdiri di penjuru bilik, meraup wajah menahan suara tangisannya.
Jururawat yang ada dalam bilik juga menangis, mak suruh jururawat keluar dan tutup tirai bilik itu. Mak tak mahu orang luar lihat. Mak tak mahu ada orang menangis di saat abang akan pergi. Setitis dua mengalir juga air mata mak. Tapi mak masih mampu tersenyum.
"Pergilah abang. Mak izinkan. Mak izinkan.. pergilah..!" Dan perlahan-lahan mata abang yang layu tertutup rapat, genggaman tangan abang pada jari mak semakin lemah dan akhirnya terlepas...
Pukul 3.50 petang, akhirnya abang meninggalkan dunia fana ini. Innalillah... Mak kucup dahi abang. Mak bisikkan di telinga abang: "Tenanglah abang di sana. Suatu hari nanti, mak juga pasti akan turuti jejak abang. Abang... tunggu mak di sana ya! Di syurga!" Abang, sekarang mak dah dapat jawapanyya. Mengapa mak tidak menangis?
Pertama, abang telah di takdirkan menjadi ahli syurga yang akan membantu mak di sana nanti.
Kedua, apa saja keinginan abang semasa hayat abang telah mak tunaikan. Tiada lagi rasa terkilan di hati mak.
Ketiga, segala hutang sebagai seorang ibu telah mak langsaikan semasa hayat abang. Mak telah sunatkan dan buat akikah untuk abang.
Keempat, mak telah menjalankan tanggungjawab sepenuhnya, sentiasa berada di sisi abang dan menggembirakan abang setiap saat dan waktu.
Kelima, mak rasa istimewa dipilih Allah untuk mendapat anak seperti abang. Mak jadi 'kaya' dengan kehadiran abang. Kaya kesabaran, kaya tawadhuk, kaya keredhaan , kaya keimanan, kaya kawan, kaya ilmu, dan kaya pengetahuan.
Mak telah beri segalan-galanya melebihi 100% untuk abang. Mak telah beri yang terbaik dan mak telah berusaha hingga ke garisan penamat. Sebab itu mak tak perlu menangis lagi.
Abang.. biarpun kini hidup mak dan abah terasa sunyi dan kosong tanpa abang ta[i... mak akan sentiasa tersenyum mengenangkan saat-saat terindah kehadiran abang dalam hidup kami biarpun cuma sebentar.

Abang dalam kisah ini adalah adik Iqbal Fahreen Hamdan, anak bongsu daripada lima beradik. Abang masuk hospital seawal usia dua minggu akibat menghidapi lima jenis kompilasi jantung termasuklah kekurangan injap, jantung berlubang dan saluran sempit. Abang telah menjalani pelbagai siri pembedahan seawal usia dua bulan dan ada antara pembedahan seawal usai dua bulan dan ada antara pembedahannya gagal, malah abang pernah disahkan 'mati' apabila jantungnya berhenti berdenyut. Walaupun pada awalnya doktor mengjangkakan hayat abang tidka lama selepas lahir ke dunia, namun ternyata anak kecil ini mampu bertahan sehingga usia empat tahun untuk meninggalkan kenangan terindah dalam hidup Jamilah (ibu) dan Hamdan (bapa).

I couldn't bear looking at his baby picture longer than 1 second.

It breaks my break, truly, to see him, as young as 2 months old to suffer like that. Ya Allah.

Al-Fatihah buat adik Iqbal Fahreen.

So, if we think we suffer enough, think again. If we think we had all the extreme challenges to date from the Lord, think again. If we think we are the unlucky ones, think again. If we think we had enough, think again.

Be grateful, Alhamdulillah.

Breastfeeding 102

2011-08-08T18:23:00.002+08:00

OMG you guys have to read this girl's post on her breastfeeding experiences. So kesian I nangis sebab so understand the mummy feeling she has inside.

http://derqdnl.blogspot.com/2011/08/breastfeeding-eisya-part-1.html

I did went through some of it. I totally understand her. Except my mum is fully supportive on breastfeeding and she supports me well. Even food pantang merapik rapik (kena makan ikan je laa, tak boleh makan daging la) pon she doesn't mind sebab she knows we need energies for breastfeeding. But on the other side people kept asking me to give Nia water everytime after fed. Oihh harapan laa kan. Maybe Tuhan nak jawab my doubt about the air masak tu one day while still dekat hospital masa tengah breastfeeding Nia I saw a poster saying baby yang breastfeeding less than 6 months tu tak perlu air masak sebab 70% of breastmilk itself is water. Pheww. Terjawab sudah.

And baby should be latched on you immediately after delivered. Tak kisah lah caesarian ke, normal delivery ke, sooner is better. Like dekat Prince Court, they're very professional. Tempat untuk cuci baby yang baru lahir memang exactly betul2 sebelah katil beranak. So lepas baby keluar, doctor placed the baby on my tummy for baby stimulation and dia dapat feel the mummy. Amik cuci and terus latchedkan for 1st breastfeeding. Sekejap je sebab perut baby time tu besar jari je kot. Then baru laa sesi mengazan/iqamat, and bawak pegi jumpa doctor paed for checkup. Unlike some places I knew, lepas beranak diorg bawak pegi cuci pastu sedap hati kasi minum formula milk terus. Or lepas caesar kan or mothers who took epidural kan tengah high, so they just let the mothers rest without even latch kan the baby first.

If jaundice pon, bayi harus minum breastmilk sebab the badan ibu gives the exact formula milk that that baby wants for healing. Amazing right? Like me, sebab Nia was prematured and she was so small, masa nurse try explain kan about milk she mermet-ly hand pump my breast and my milk was a lil thick. She said "tengok puan, sebab bayi puan kecil dan premature susu puan high in protein sebab tu dia pekat" Amazing gila oi. Lama2 bila Nia dah normal, susu start cair. That was then I feel so determined nak fully breastfeed. My sister pon dapat fully breastfeed so I must must MUST try! Except err, Nia refused to take bottles now. Tak tahu nak buat macam mana dah ni *cries*
If I were her, I'd saman the hospital and the nurses already. Hahaa!

a big t-h-r-e-e!

2011-08-06T02:00:00.001+08:00

who would've thought? Time flies man. Real fast one. Nia is now 3 months old! So big now sayang. If I'm not careful enough I might've missed these precious moments flown away just like that, I need to cherish the time exquisitely more from now on. Looking at her, how much she'd gained, how much she'd learned, how far she'd developed was always something so amusing to me.

And here I am, still sitting in this circle of wonders, whether I did okay, whether I'd provided her sufficiently, whether I'd loved her enough and the wonders' lists go on. And at times too when I took a peak at her at nights I wondered whether it was really you that came out of me. MasyaAllah, such precious lil human being Allah S.W.T had sent for us.

Be it whether you're a slow learner, a fast learner, a debab baby, a skinny baby, a temperamental baby, a cool baby, a dark baby, a fair baby, I vowed to God I will always be here for you, no matter what - now that's something for you to keep in mind dear lil one.

Happy turning 3 lil smurf!

Mama & Abah ♥ you :)

Looking forward for more cherish-able milestone journey with you

Ramadhan Mubarak

2011-08-03T03:35:00.003+08:00

Bulan Ramadhan merupakan bulan yang mempunyai banyak kelebihan. Bagi tujuan menyuburkan rasa tanggungjawab dan rasa ingin menambahkan ibadat kepada Allah sepanjang Ramadhan ini, di sini dibawa beberapa penerangan hadis yang menceritakan mengenai kelebihannya. Kesemua ini di copy bulat bulat dari website www.ashtech.com.my/bulanislam/ ye, bukan diolah sendiri oleh saya (tidak cukup ilmu) :)

1. Semua hadis menceritakan betapa besarnya kelebihan bulan Ramadhan untuk kita sama-sama menghidupkannya dengan segala amalan sunnah.

2. Pintu syurga dibuka sepanjang Ramadhan, manakala pintu neraka pula ditutup. Ini menggambarkan bagaimana Allah begitu mengasihani hambaNya yang taat beribadat dan menurut segala perintahNya.

3. Syaitan diikat sepanjang bulan Ramadhan agar kita dapat menunaikan segala ibadat dengan penuh keikhlasan. Tetapi kita perlu ingat bahawa kawan syaitan yang berada pada diri kita iaitu nafsu akan menggantikan tugas syaitan jika kita lalai.

4. Pentingnya keikhlasan dan keimanan kita dalam menunaikan ibadat.

5. Puasa mampu menjadi perisai diri daripada terjebak ke lembah maksiat, begitu juga ia mampu menghapuskan segala dosa-dosa yang lepas jika kita benar-benar bertaubat.

6. Kita mesti menghidupkan sunnah yang mana yang paling besar ialah berada dalam jemaah Islam terutama di dalam mengembalikan semula khilafah Islamiah yang telah lama dihancurkan iaitu pada 1924.

7. Jauhkan daripada syirik pada Allah sama ada berbentuk perbuatan, niat ataupun percakapan. Kita mesti mematuhi segala perjanjian yang dibuat selagi tidak melanggar hukum syarak.

8. Kita mesti berpuasa pada semua anggota bukannya pada makan dan minum sahaja.

9. Bau mulut orang berpuasa lebih harum daripada bauan kasturi.

10. Orang berpuasa akan mengecapi dua kegembiraan iaitu ketika berbuka dan apabila bertemu Allah kelak.

11. Di dalam menunaikan ibadat puasa kita mesti banyak bersabar dan jangan suka berbual kosong apatah meninggikan suara apabila bercakap.

This year I considered myself as lucky to be able to have it with my family, and Nia. And lari topic sikit: I must admit, breastfeeding while fasting is a bit difficult and exhausting till that I caught the high fever on the first day of fasting itself. But after much googling for infos now I know I need to stock up my tummy to avoid dehydration, and did you know breastfeeding burns calories? Over 600 calories a day for breastfeeding women who don't supplement with formula. 600 calories! That's like getting two hours of aerobic exercise each day. Awesome right? That explains it all.

I wish everyone to have a fulfilling Ramadhan this year!

Mohon maaf for all the wrongdoings.

something rare & precious

2011-07-26T08:15:00.004+08:00

Bagi isteri hanya 4 syarat untuk mereka ke syurga “Apabila seorang isteri mengerjakan solat 5 waktu, mengerjakan puasa sebulan, memelihara kehormatannya (aurat) serta mentaati suaminya, nescaya dia akan masuk syurga”. (Riwayat Imam Bazzar melalui Anas r.a)

So yeah, pretty much a waste if with other people, you tend to act so polished, so knowledgable, so religious, and so oh-Im-always-the-right-one, but truth lies when at home behind everyone's back, you're such a beast with your own husbands. Ya Allah, mintak jauh.

Alhamdulillah so far Hubster always there to remind me the right and the wrongs, which things that he prefers and doesn't, and I keep my prioritization to him. Not everyone else, thank you. He always reminded me being a wife doesn't mean to only perform the chores to him, it's okay if we haven't got the full opportunity yet, but being a wife to a husband means to respect & follow him more than everyone else. Yes you heard me right, everyone else. He said, tak guna jugak kalau gosok baju dia la apa tapi nak bertekak aje. Ookayy :)

Dari Abdullah bin Umar r.a katanya: Rasulullah s.a.w telah bersabda: “Wahai kaum wanita! Bersedekahlah kamu dan perbanyakkanlah istighfar iaitu memohon ampun. Kerana aku melihat kaum wanitalah yang lebih ramai menjadi penghuni Neraka.” Seorang wanita yang cukup pintar di antara mereka bertanya: “Wahai Rasulullah, kenapa kami kaum wanita yang lebih ramai menjadi penghuni Neraka?” Rasulullah S.A.W bersabda: “Kamu banyak mengutuk dan mengingkari suami. Aku tidak melihat mereka yang kekurangan akal dan agama yang lebih menguasai pemilik akal, daripada golongan kamu". Wanita itu bertanya lagi: “Wahai Rasulullah! Apakah maksud kekurangan akal dan agama itu? “Rasulullah s.a.w bersabda: “Maksud kekurangan akal ialah penyaksian dua orang wanita sama dengan penyaksian seorang lelaki. Inilah yang dikatakan kekurangan akal. Begitu juga wanita tidak mendirikan sembahyang pada malam-malam yang dilaluinya kemudian berbuka pada bulan Ramadhan kerana haid. Maka inilah yang dikatakan kekurangan agama”

So ladies, set back your priorities. It ain't too late, yet. InsyaAllah, Tuhan permudahkan. It might be a problem with such a modern world today where today, women are also in the working world and tend to be competitive with men. Such then came the feeling of overpowering where it's a desire to feel like winning over something, including your own husbands. That's it then. You see, I admit I ain't one religious enough and some may smirk at what I wrote today but it's no harm in opening your own eyes as well. This is what I see, from my own perspectives. So far, it's a reminder to my ownself too.

Ahmad Ehsan b Ahmad Ruslan, God knows how lucky and grateful I am to have you. Alhamdulillah Allah SWT has given you to me, till this day I'm more than Syukur for having you, to guide me back properly on the right path, to hold me whenever I'm in the dark, to love me when I feel lonely, and best case of all, to be a real family when everything else was a fake. I love you.

Happy 25th birthday!

and I wish you nothing else, but well :)

♥

Breastfeeding 101

2011-07-24T00:17:00.004+08:00

This is going to be quite a long post, so bear with me.

When I first found out I'm pregnant, I already started to think of what type of formula milk shall I give my baby for I knew there are quite a few on the racks. I began my researches and well, of course all of it suggested breastmilk would be the best milk, in this entire world. So that was then I set my mind to fully breastfeed my daughter. I'm targetting it for 2 years, hopefully but if dapat the least sampai 6 months pon dah Alhamdulillah.

After delivery, my colostrum dah terus let down, seriously I'm very much grateful for that. They say I'm one of the lucky few who got those early, Alhamdulillah, Nia's rezeki. But at that time, I didn't even bought the breastpump at that time and decided to borrow one from a friend. At first the production was gitu gitu je la, terpaksa bangun pump every 2 hours, tengah2 malam tu ngantuk2 melayan jugak pump, memang penat, and dapat pon dalam 2oz-3oz je, it was very frustrating. Tapi I keep on pumping jugak and memang stock makin banyak, sehari kadang2 kena pump dekat 3-5 kali and one time dapat 8oz-10oz or more. Sampai tak terlarat nak pump, ye laa lepas pump nak kena simpan, ikat susu lepas tu turun bawah simpan dalam freezer, lepas tu nak kena cuci pump, kemas2, then baru je nak rest, baby nak bangun dah balek sudah cukup 2 jam tidur dia, macam mana? ): So then my breasts asyik engorged je and after extreme reading from a source, I thought it was a problem, so I had to stop pumping kejap.

Then I began to slowly dah tak pumping sangat sebab tak larat. Lagi2 lepas surgery, tak boleh nak duduk properly memang skip terus, and ya Allah memang I regret sungguh sebab milk production pon terus decrease. Now ni memang sehari tak pump pon takpe and if beriya nak pump pon dapat la dalam 2oz-3oz. So salah siapa sekarang? :(

What are the benefits of breastfeeding, if one may ask?
1) Breastfeeding protects your baby from a long list of illnesses

Again, let me tell you it's not easy. Breastfeeding needs a lot of patience, what's more with pumping sessions and all. Minus point: Nia is considered pre-matured baby so she suck things a little slower (lazy-sucker) so she couldn't be fed directly with position duduk. Sebab gravity so susu turun laju sangat she refused to drink terus. I remembered dekat hospital penat nurses semua tried to help me and finally we found out dia suka position baring sebab gravity kurang and she could relax more. So imagine la I have to baring je bila nak breastfeed dia. Itu yang masa mula2 nak keluar rumah takut sangat sebab tatau how but I'm slowly trying to teach her to breastfeed duduk (insyaAllah). There are other positions for breastfeeding btw, and here is the link for the rest of other breastfeeding positions :)

The main key points here are to;
1) Set your mind earlier and always be in positive thinking.
2) Gain your knowledge - how it all works (supply&demand), how to store/handle/thaw EBM.
3) Prepare mentally when people said your milk is not enough. Have faith. I always believe the milk will be enough for my baby, that's what given by Allah S.W.T
4) Eat right. It's important for you and baby. Like now, I'm experimenting and i think Nia couldn't take cow protein (meaning takleh minum or makan dairy products yang proteinnya cow-based) She might be a soy-based person. Will describe it again in another post.
5) Stress free. This is very important. Have enough rest.
6) Stay healthy.
7) And last but the most important one is to get support from your loved ones. Mental kot macam masa mula2 Nia meraung menangis bila nak poo-poo, everyone started to look at me and said "what did you eat?" or "kasi susu formula je la, your milk tak bagus" ya Tuhan sumpah masa tu down gila like she's my daughter, and of course I would only want the best for her too. Bukannya nak support, ini lagi nak condemn criticize apa semua. Pheww thank God I still stick to breastfeed je jugak, and Alhamdulillah it got better now. Punca Nia menangis masih tidak diketahui sampai sekarang.

And yes daddies, breastfeeding is tiring. Somehow rasa penat sangat, so please please please understand your wife okay, it's not like, nahhh suck my boobies and that's it! Because we are burning the calories when breastfeeding. With the painful letdown, painful engorgement lagi. It ain't one easy job man! Alhamdulillah so far I didn't get the crack nipples, thrush or any problems (mintak jauh lah ya Tuhan) So please know that we are really expecting the support from you, at this moment.

And then of course please INVEST with a good breastpump. The second day after I'd delivered I was given Medela Symphony by the hospital and at first it was awkward, that feeling of pumping your own boobies (nipples merah sore habis sebab kena sedut kan hahaa) but I finally get the hanged of it on the third day. So Medela Symphony to me, is one very good pump. Balik rumah, I borrowed my friend's Medela Mini Electric and I don't really like it much. It was quite noisy so Nia selalu terjaga bila I'm in the middle of my pumping sessions and the suction takde double-phase so agak sakit sikit laa. I bought Medela Freestyle and at first I wasn't quite impressed with it sebab the suction was a little soft. Maybe I got used to Mini Electric's so when I started using Freestyle it felt soft. But now I must say Medela Freestyle is the best yo! I never tried any brands other than Medela so I couldn't say much. There are tonnes in the markets now (Avent, Specktra, Tommee Tippee, Ameda, Mothercare, etc) so maybe you need to do some researches first. My sister used Avent electric double pumping and she was very satisfied with that too btw.

And then when the baby is getting bigger and it's time for you to hit the office again, you need to teach the baby to get used with the bottle, but with a thaw breastmilk inside it. This is by far, the biggest challenge to me. Nia is refusing to drink using the bottles! I am ultimately clueless on how else should I teach and make her take the bottle. Maybe I should change the teats? Humphh. So by this, we need to know the proper ways to keep, and thawing the milk. Below are the rules of storaging your milk, and let me remind you: once the milk sudah dicairkan, it can never be difreezekan again ok! Rule #1, my friend. Here's some article about pumping your milk.

I have not yet report back to the office (due to some minor surgery) so the next challenge for me would be pumping sessions in the office, and storaging it there (will have to learn how to properly use the ice bag). I really hope I won't get mixed up too much with works and I would still be able to pump for my little one. Takut stress dan malas je, itu yang akan mengacau segala malanya.

And of course, the biggest challenge would be to nurse & care for the baby when I'm out in the public. I wouldn't want to be the mum yang melekat je dekat rumah, so uncool man! Hehee. I would want to bring my daughter to see the world. And I'm well-aware too that most malls here in Malaysia doesn't really provide a 'baby room' apart from the washrooms. It would be so weird to nurse Nia in the toilet (eww?). Today I tried to change Nia's nappy in the normal toilet where I placed a changing mat on the sink (I chose the farthest one of course) and majority of them inside the toilet threw me that dirty look okay! Talking about Malaysians here. I was quite annoyed and sad of course, because I'm doing my best to quickly change it and I didn't even let the dirty diaper open for view to all. I covered it properly and wouldn't let them see what is the color of the poo pon. After all, it's just a breastfed baby punya poo kot! Belajar agama tak itu najis apa? Apa yang kau nak geli sangat, haa haa? But I think Nia must've knew how I felt at that time because she kept on laughing and giggling, till that those people suddenly started to say "eii comelnya baby" what the hell you women? That was only changing diapers. So I'm very much contemplating to start nursing Nia in the public. I'm a little scared, I must admit. Yes I've bought the proper cover, wrap and everything but of course people would know I'm nursing there right in front of their eyes so would I need to expect some dirty looks as well from that? Oh geez.

Btw in the end, you don't have to feel bad if you give your child formula. In the end it's up to you. If we want to breastfeed, of course we have to work for it, kalau tak berjaya it's okay, we have tried our best. It's your choice :) And please partners, friends, and family members, please support those who're breastfeeding. By supporting, please get involved with the whole processes as well. Take efforts to learn about it as well for your partner is new to this whole thing too. Help her. It may look easy peasy to you but God knows how mentally and physically challenging it is for it can be tiring and exhausting. Yet, we're doing it for the best of the baby. So, help them as well. Breastfeeding mummies, need those.

Alhamdulillah, now Nia dah almost 3 months old (where did the time goes? OMG! kejap je rasa!) and I'm halfway through already. I'm really hoping I could fully breastfeed her until she's 6 months old, to the very lease and as long as I could, hopefully. InsyaAllah! Again, positive thinking here, guys (:

what I wish I'd known...

2011-07-19T17:08:00.000+08:00

1) Postpartum
- How fast your milk comes in. It was a few days after birth, but I expected a little dribble, not a gush! Get those nursing pads ready in your hospital bag soonest possible!
- To buy a breast pump ahead of time. I figured there was no hurry because I would breastfeed exclusively at first and pump later when I started working again, but I had horrible engorgement problems and without a breast pump it was extremely painful and difficult.
- That breastfeeding would be so difficult and arduous, and that motherhood would be so, frankly, unenjoyable in the beginning. I hadn't read up on breastfeeding and was totally taken by surprise. These early weeks have been harder than my pregnancy and labor combined — all, I think, because I just wasn't well enough informed.

2) Labor & Delivery
- That the recovery period would be more painful than childbirth. I couldn't sit for about four days due to swelling and pain (thanks to my buasir of course). I wish I had known to ask for a pain medication prescription while I was still at the hospital.
- Not to be embarrassed about anything that happens in the labor room. I pooped on the floor because of my horrible back labor, but not one nurse even blinked an eye. God bless them!
- To have a bag packed about two months ahead of time. I went in one month early and haven't packed a dime! My husband had to run home to get some stuff for me and just came in time for the pushing. He ended up didn't brought any of baby clothes, but thanks to gift from a friend, we un-wrapped it to let the baby wear when it's time to come home. He didn't even brought any of maternity diapers and stuffs too, thank goodness the hospital I'd went in already provided all those.
- Labor wasn't as painful as what I heard of. Don't believe what others may intimidate you.

3) Pregnancy
- About the cramping feelings you get as your uterus stretches. It was unnerving to feel that and not know that it was normal.
- That you can have no problems at the beginning: no morning sickness, extreme fatigue, aches and pains, hunger, or cravings — and still have a healthy baby! When I went to the doctor for the first visit, I was terrified she would tell me I was not actually pregnant or that something was wrong because I had no symptoms.
- That damn water retention feet swollen thingy! It was so uncomfortable I cried 2 days after I got my elephant-sized feet.

my best friend's wedding

2011-07-11T14:19:00.000+08:00

everything was beyond magical!

it was a fairy tale for them.

congrats again joey & ayann, bayya & jules

so happy for you guys

Jezz & Shah

2011-07-05T23:18:00.002+08:00

my cousin just got married to her beau last Saturday, July 2nd and well of course I just had to blog about this grand wedding of theirs. The theme colour picked for the solemnization was maroony-purple & for reception on the next day was emerald turqoise-y green. I was one of the tray bearers a.k.a bridesmaids, hummhhhh. It was held at the sky lounge (or rooftop la actually) of their condo, USJ One Avenue.

The pelamin was grandly done, of course. Shah worked for Nas Great Ideas as something director and Ereen's sister, K.Mine also is working with her boyfie, Nas as the wedding planner. Ereen helped around too at times I think. So with the experiences that they have, that pretty much explains the grand deco and stuffs. Siapa tak kenal Nas Great Ideas kan? Pschttt. Oh the dresses were also from NGI btw (me thinks).

All photos credit to my other cousin, Arifah :)

Congratulations again Ereen & Shah!

saya suka!

2011-07-04T08:00:00.001+08:00

another awesome set of photos by another talented photographer, Khairil Mustafa.

Find more photos here :)

go, smile!

2011-06-30T23:09:00.001+08:00

Sound of Music

2011-06-23T22:44:00.004+08:00

Don't tell me you aren't familiar with the "Do, a deer a female deer" song whilst growing up all these years. It's like one of the legend during those days. I remembered the movie so well too, and the part that I love most was of course during "My favourite things" where all of the kids starting to get along with Maria and it was then all of them were afraid of thunder (I still am, till this very days btw) Come on, I even memorized the scripts and movies well ok. Even Niece loved the movie so much she knew all the songs by heart =) The movie was epic guys!
So when RHB announced that they're bringing the London group of performers to Malaysia, I got REALLY excited. What's more, it was being performed by these professional singers/dancers and perfectly directed as well =)

The Sound of Music”—one of the most popular and well-loved productions in musical theatre history will be making its way to Malaysia this June!

The globally acclaimed, box office smash hit musical, Rodgers & Hammerstein’s “The Sound of Music” from London will be enthralling audiences of all ages in Malaysia in commemoration of its landmark 75th anniversary.

Striking a chord with its heartwarming storyline and tale of love, family and honor, “The Sound of Music” will feature breathtaking sets and an unforgettable musical score including songs like “My Favourite Things”, “Edelweiss”, “Do-Re-Mi”, “Sixteen Going on Seventeen”, “Climb Every Mountain” and the title song “The Sound of Music”.

Winner of eight Tony Awards including Best Musical, and winner of five Academy Awards including Best Picture, Yvents! now brings you the magic of “The Sound of Music” in Malaysia for a strictly limited run.

I was lucky when my bestfriend called me and said she has an extra ticket to the play, during the grand premiere night and I just couldn't say No. So last Tuesday, off I went then, leaving lil smurf for the first time on the hands of her dad (: Upon reaching the KLCC Convention Centre, the hall were filled with these legendary songs and I got goosebumps already! Since it's the premiere night, our King & Queen of Malaysia (Agong) were there too as well. So of course there were protocols and all but still I enjoyed the night to the max. Mamai & I were practically trying to recall each scenes together & really wanted to sing our lungs out BUT our neighbours apparently were silent-watcher and they got pretty annoyed with our hyperness I just had to tone ourselves down a lil bit. Pscchttt

Overall, the play was super awesome. I gave a standing ovation but of course the casts wouldn't see me up there standing all alone. If I could be given the opportunity I'd like to watch it again! It was worth it despite the price of the tickets (come on guys, this is serious expert professional entertainers, why judge the price with their expertise?) The only thing that brought both Mamai & I down was that they sang "My Favourite Things" while Maria was still in the abbey while during the thunder-under-the-duvet scene, they sang "Lonely Goathered" Understandable that it might be hard to include the puppet scene on a theater stage but geez, they shouldn't really separate the "My Favourite Things" with that thunder scene. And of course some lil twist here & there to fit the 3-hours show but that wouldn't affected the whole screenplay anyways. I totally saluted the director for sticking to the movie real closely since the dancing and characters movement were exactly the same as per movie! (: Thoroughly detailed, I assumed. Good job man!

This was the 2006 version btw, but it was ALMOST the same with the play =)

Their reunion with Oprah (: I'd cry buckets if I were there amongst the audiences

p/s: I reached home approx 12 midnight and ran upstairs for I'd missed lil smurf so dear greatly. Naik2 tengok lil smurf dah tidur baik punya. See, I knew I'm married to the best Dad in the world (:

Nia's Cukur Jambul

2011-06-21T12:06:00.006+08:00

and combined it together with a kenduri kesyukuran, Alhamdulillah everything went well. A day before the event my Dad and I were quite nervous that none turned up for the tahlil since Dad mentioned surau peeps organized a trip to Cameron Highlands on that same day, a whole bus was fully booked but Alhamdulillah quite a number turned up jugak that morning and it was indeed full (: Even the tok kadi that helped Hubster & I got married last time attended the tahlil =) Rezeki Nia.

Tak kisah laa, thanks everyone who attended, siapa yang tak attend ada thoughts of attending but something came up pon takpe, thanks jugak! (: Alhamdulillah, sebab we ordered the food agak banyak and yang penting the food habis, wee! and lil smurf had been such a good girl all throughout the day, well I sorta expected that for I know she's ony shy baby when a lot of people are around her.

I'd already bathed her as early as 7am after feeding her right before that. I let her settling down while I arranged the candy buffet and got dressed myself. By 930 people were already swarming the house and the moment the tahlil started at around 1030 am, I went upstairs to feed her again. So she was just in her good shy mood when we brought her around the guests =) I think all throughout the day tu, she only cried thrice (one masa dia nak poo poo - usual problem, second sebab rimas dan terlalu panas orang dok bertukar2 tangan, tiga mama dia lupa dia dah lapar dah wayy past her feeding time, kesian) Below are photos of the event (:

the photos are amazing right? =) full credit to Eman Ismail or catch him at Warnapiksel site pon boleh k (: see, I know I could put trust in this one guy for I'd booked him even months before the event! Hahaa. Actually he's a friend of my bestfriend, Azman and he too was one of my wedding photographer (groom's reception side) :) I was lucky I got the cake for free from my wedding baker as well. Thanks Jo! She's such an expert okay I love how she used pastel colors always, for decorations (: and for the candy buffet, actually I'd booked this one vendor to do it but at the very last minute they bailed out for they had a big event on the same day at noon tapi distance jauh. I was so sad! So that was then I figured out I'd like to make my own. I knew mum has a lot of crystals that could be used for the jars, and so I went out hunting for candies (: The cupcakes were bought from Cupcake Chic and the macaroons were bought from Babycakes Sweet Shoppe. Cookies were booked from a friend. Marshmallows, candies, gummies, lollies were bought from a local mart. Simple sahaja but I love how it turned out (: and oh thanks to my sister who sponsored the buaian, it was so pretty I'm really excited on how everything really gets along with the theme (: It was from one of her officemates who has a part-time business on this stuffs. I think they can do more with the backdrop, staging, but it was me who didn't want the teddies and stuffs on the buaian (: Less is more! Catch her at D'endoi Qaseh Enterprise btw (: oh the doorgifts were packed by her as well. I only did the cookies packaging, the sticker was personalized from Hubster's friend (the one who did our wedding doorgift, the chocolate wrapper) :) Food & canopy were from Dad's friends, the same one who did for our solemnization, never failed us, not even once.

I'm very well-satisfied mummy yo! (:

Okay sedih dah hampir kena balik to reality: KK. Reality check. I effing hate it. Oh lupa, during the event tak cukur pon lil smurf tu sebab none of the ustazs berani nak buat. The only ustaz that could do it pegi Cameron trip so in the end, Hubster & I had to do it ourself. We did it tengah2 malam after the event, and I continued to trim it sikit during the next morning. The result?

NIA GONDOL-EZ! =)

Hehee

Post-natal

2011-06-18T20:58:00.001+08:00

44 days! Hooraahhh and that's the end of my pantang journey. Hehs well actually truth is I haven't been that pantang much, I admit that. During the first weeks after delivery I was walking up & down the stairs till my 'peranakan' jatuh & I had to pegi urut and it was so sakit, no kidding yo!

I still follow some of the pantang stuffs just maybe not into the details. I still believe every stuffs have its advantages & I spent my nights googling for them. So for those that only were good je lah yang I followed. Like tak makan/minum benda berangin sebab it could affects the milk & to the baby, makan benda too pedas/acidic could affect the baby as well, makan benda too sejuk sebab licin, sumpah dah tak jalan laju2 turun naik tangga lepas urut & stuffs lah.

But on food consuming, I drank plenty of water & eat meats and all sorts of food (not only fish lah) though orang tua kata tak elok sebab badan berair nanti. Actually your body needs that, for breastfeeding purposes. The body needs water to produce the milk & nutriens as well, so get my point there?

Anyways I had my post-natal checkup with my gynae last Friday and I was nervous as hell. First because I am still bleeding because normally it'll only takes 4-5 weeks for darah nifas to keluar & stop and second to check the whole after-effects lah of course.

Dr Seri was cool & cute, as usual and she was so excited to see Nia. And dia cakap I'd slimmed down a bit hoorahh though perut masih berwatermelon horror gell heheh (: Upon scanning, my uterus has shrunk & gone back to its previous size but urm jatuh sikit la sampai ke pelvic floor sikit but since she is expert on pelvic floor jatuh jatuh thingy stuffs (go google lah for the doctorial terms) she advised to exercise more on pelvic floor tu to keep it 'kuat'.

Btw some info on the pelvic floor thingy tu, it is the most common problem we women would encounter especially for after-pregnant women & later-age ladies. It is when your pelvic floor could no longer support your whole stuffs there (uterus, vagina, stuffs) and that is when the leaking occurs. Read up to know more, I have little info and I would rather not give wrong informations on this. But it's curable btw (:

And as what normal doctors would do, Dr Seri advised to continue on breastfeeding for that could keep the conceptive stuffs yada yadaa (: and we even talked how Nia decided to keluar awal & she was shocked to receive the call that morning saying Raieza dah dilated hehs. Such a memorial day, it was.

Overall, though dah post-natal I think I still have to watch I'm eating & take it slowly to start eating cili padi and seafood and everything back again. Of course now my priority is my lil smurf, Nia (: I was supposed to check in for phisiotheraphy that same day but I forgot & went straight home hahaa. Will see lah whether nak pegi balik or tak and I am still contemplating whether should or shouldn't I do the pap smear test. Humhh?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

the band

2011-06-10T03:03:00.000+08:00

rindu..!

Aihh, memories. Sweet memories indeed. Who cares if people are gonna call me a geek for I was in a band last time. It was one hell of a memory. I think the only good fond memories I had while I was in high school. I miss le saxophone! Sitting, reading up notes, and even better marching and doing formations while playing the songs.

Oihh rindu gilak!

and if you're smart enough, try to spot me in both of these videos.

that is, if you're smart enough.

Hehs (:

Mothers' whining

2011-06-07T19:32:00.001+08:00

Marked one month journey of being a mother, let me tell the truths to you people out there:

1) The first weeks are easier than the afterwards ones. Thats purely because Nia started to learn who her parents are & now she's a lil bit tend to be clingy. And over the weeks he/she soon discovers the screaming cries alert the parents' attention so umm, yea there'll be a lot of crying soon.

2) No one told me the difficulties of breastfeeding. The latching problem (Alhamdulillah Nia has none on this), the sore & cracked nipples, engorgement, the quantity of milk expressed, the painful letdown, etc. It requires a major amount of patience here.

3) Yes be prepared to stay awake during the nights. But if your newborn also refused to settle down during the days, then luck is all you need here.

4) You ought to be extra tough after labor for you're trying to recover (in my case the buasir thing is taking longer time here!) but at the same time you have to take major care of your baby. Any types of supports (physical, moral, etc) are highly appreciated here.

5) Your baby isn't going to be all angelic & cutesy mutesy all the freaking time. He/She can too turns into a monster that'll deals with your emotions & strength greatly. So have I told that PATIENCE is virtue here?

Good Lord.
There is more but oh wells, I'll ditch that for now.

But above all, whenever I can, I'll take a moment to truly cherish these moments I have with her. For I know once I'm back for work, these moments will be missed most (:

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

one

2011-06-06T11:29:00.023+08:00

Unbelievable at how time flies. It feels like just last week Nia joined the whole family but no, apparently it's been 4 weeks already, which makes it ONE MONTH..! To think about how she arrived was something that I'd always smiled about and will always keep the memories tuck in, somewhere safe, near to my heart. I admit parenthood is still something new to us but ever since, she'd changed our life completely, such a turnaround. In just 4 weeks, she had taught us a lot and it was all beyond words for me to describe it all here.

the first family portrait (:

Btw Nia is starting to look like a real baby, plumping up and losing some of those newborn wrinkles and she is also more vocal — cooing, gurgling, and grunting. She can now lift up her head on her own, and I think the legs are getting stronger too though the hands are still in its muscle developing mode (: About her poo poo sickness, yes she still cries whenever she poo-es but it wasn't as intensed as before, so we could still tolerate with the crying. The follow up check up is due on this Thursday, and I hope I hear happy news from the doctor. Other than that, she's perfectly one very good behaved baby, I'm so proud of her. Oh don't grow up too fast little one, for we are going to miss all these baby moments with you.

And oh, one cookie point for everyone: She's shy, and I knew it even when she's still in the womb. She loved to move around last time, but whenever I pointed it out to people "Oh look she's moving", she'll stop moving completely. Or whenever other people touched my tummy (with permission), she won't move even for an inch. And now that she's out, I brought her out twice and yes whenever she's around people, she didn't made a single fuss at all. Or not just yet maybe but Alhamdulillah for that for now (sbb you don't want to hear her cry, it was so loud I bet the whole football field could hear her) (: She would just sleep thoroughly and would only moved and cried a little whenever she's hungry, a little tired or need to poo. So cute!

Oh little girl, we extremely love you (:

Yaa's Big Day

2011-06-03T05:05:00.000+08:00

I'm gonna let the pictures do the talkings here okay (:

all pictures credit Dira btw!

so amacam?

cantik gila tak bride tu? (:

Yaa & Midi, again for the Xth time, congratulations!

It was indeed one very beautiful wedding, I just couldn't had it enough =) Yaa is one very pretty lady, Midi you'd better take a very good care of this lady here or else you're gonna hear it from the rest of us hehs (: Wishing both of you a blissful happy marriage life, you two!

Acidic Poo Poo

2011-05-26T21:52:00.001+08:00

Nia had to re-visit PCMC earlier today for she has developed a weird poo-poo pattern. Whenever she wants to poo poo, she'll cries & shout on top of her lung. We first highlighted it to her original paed and he mentioned it might be because of nappy rash.

We changed to use the corn starch powder & I seek high and low the medication & prevention for the rashes. 3 days after during nappy change, I checked her bum & it wasn't that red & so it couldn't be one of those rashes.

That's when I started to read various infos related to these crying madnessly but found none specifically related to her case. Then come the possibility that she might be gassy and all such. So I bought the rm20 barut just for her, gave her a little sip of gripe water to ease her tummyache. But to no avail, it still remains the same.

People said she might just be one of the fussy babies who doesn't like to poo, which I doubted greatly. I know it was painful for her, I could feel it. 3 weeks passed by & she still suffers from that pain. It was a nightmare for us, whenever she woke up & cried insanely for poo-ing. She also started to lose her voice, suara pon dah serak for she had to scream 6-8 times a day.

Last night, she cried to the extreme & I started to cry myself seeing her face that way. That was it then & I decided to bring her to the hospital, by hook or by crook, whether other people nak bawakkan ke tak pon.

I spent the whole night reading the possibilities of her sickness, thanks to BabyCenter of course, to fully understand the whole terms & to debate with the doctor (just in case). Came this morning & off we went then, my dad Hubster & I.

I specifically want this one paed doctor for I'd done my research & most people recommended him for his works & passions. I needed some passion & patience to truly understand her condition here. We were on 'walk-in' & didn't set up any appointment but Alhamdulillah we got him jugak.

Turned out, Nia has acidic poo poo. Since she's small & relatively prematured, her usus couldn't process the milk well & just let it go. For that her waste was acidic & since it has been weeks the acidic poo had burnt her bum a bit and dah luka pon ): No wonder she screams like orang gila ):

Btw, nasib baik Nia poo-ed in front of the doctor & he could see the acidic bubbles from her poo. And the doctor is so cute, masa Nia cried furiously (kitorg sorta dah biasa sikit so okay la) the doctor yang panicked lari masuk keluar bilik cari thermometer la apa la sampai terlanggar stroller semua. Hahaa (: and he even said "She's very loud"

It breaks my heart, really, to see her enduring the pain at such young age. She has truly been a fighter, this little girl of mine. Ever since she was conceived (the endo surgery I had while she was already inside, remember?) till this day when she's 3-weeks old.

What bothers me is; IF after this 2 weeks and she still endures this acidic poo, we might have to change her milk to formula milk, the unlactose one. Heartbreaking oh! Of course I'd want to exclusively breastfeed her until she's 6months old the least, and as long as Allah SWT permits, insyaAllah =) hopefully she recovers fast!

Sigh. I feel bad for letting her enduring the pain for this long ): She's one healthy baby by the way, she is now weighing 3.01kg which is impressive! (she was born at 2.36kg btw)

Nia, get well soon cepat2 okay! Be the cheeky-you like the first week last time (: We love you!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

missing the pregnancy mode

2011-05-18T16:16:00.002+08:00

beware you are so going to be bombarded with pregnancy motherhood and all labor material posts until I got sick of it (actually am starting to now). I promised to share the stuffs that I used while I was in pregnancy to ease some of the pregnancy & labor discomforts in earlier posts, well so here are some of it then.

I can't reassure that these stuffs were the ones that worked miracles but if it works for me, I just see no harm in sharing =)

1) For stretchmarks, at early stage I bought Bud's Early Prevention cream but I was so lazy in applying it (maybe because Hubster doesn't like the smell of the lotion so I tend to only use it like once in a blue moon. Not until I reached late 2nd trimester & my stretchmarks got worst. Really worst that Dr Seri called it macam kulit tembikai T_t I got a little panicked, and though both my doctors (KK & KL) sorta soothed me by saying stretchmarks are dependable on the type of skins, I would still have to deal with it later kan. Anyways, mine got reddish and blotchy it was really ugly. I bought Bio-Oil and started to apply it religiously (twice a day) and it got better by times =) The reddish lines turned somehow soother sikit maybe sebab I was too late in applying hehs.

2) Kurma is a must for me. Masa pregnant dulu, first & second trimester I didn't developed any strong urge to eat much (or maybe that's just pure laziness sebab bila balik nak masak utk seorang adalah membazir) so I would just munch on my kurma. Alhamdulillah memang I'm the type yang suka gila kurma I could even finish up the whole box in a day! It fills up the tummy & it's good for the baby too guys. Tips: try eating it with susu, sedap gila! Even better, buang biji & blend with susu. Nak minum with soya pon boleh je =) I believe there's no need for me to list out all the kebaikan of kurma la kan?

3) Air kelapa sebab orang kata senang nak push sebab licin and it cleans the baby. Once the baby's out, he/she will be covered with wax. These waxes yang protect our babies while he/she was inside our womb. So in a way people say air kelapa helps to bersihkan wax ni jugak.

4) Mothercare Perineal Massage Gel. I started using this masa mid third trimester kot itu pon pakai macam2 tu je but some people say it helps to really flexikan your perineal area so that masa push tu tak terkoyak sangat. It helps for me anyways.

5) People say air selusuh dapat cepatkan dilation so takde la lama sangat tunggu but for me Alhamdulillah things work naturally je tak sempat pon nak minum air selusuh ke air zam zam ke untuk cepatkan dilation dah terus 10cm in less than an hour so I can't say much. But from people's reviews, it worked Alhamdulillah jugak.

That's all!

Hope that helps to all mommy-to-be :)

first labor

2011-05-14T21:13:00.009+08:00

ok as promised, here goes; my first experience on giving birth. It was merely more on the sweet side comparing to the bitter one. I just had to blab it down here because I'd love to read it all back in years to come & remember how sweet & joyful the day was. Btw sorry I have no pics to be attached during the whole experiences, sbb tak sempat nak bawak keluar camera semua (: Battery yang baru beli a week before pon tak sempat nak charging dulu LOL.

*Beware: This post might be a lil too lengthy to handle*

Let me start from 3rd May, where I had a regular bi-weekly check up with my gynae, Dr Seri Suniza (she's the best btw people). I was still laughing and made jokes with her all throughout the consultation. From the scanned result, Dr Seri said the size of the baby is smaller comparing to her actual should size (I'm 36 weeks pregnant at that time) and she was about the size of 34 weeks pregnancy. Looking at the size & the fact that she hadn't engaging nor anything yet, Dr Seri sorta reassured me that she might be a lil overdue (2nd week of June is the latest perhaps) I immediately yayy-ed & danced in front of her for I was happy as a cow! Why? Simply because I get the whole Ramadhan here in KL if that is true.

Come Thursday, 5th May 2011, I had a workshop discussion on rotables management & I caught a slight flu. The discussion was pretty intensed & I was so tired, walking up and down from level 64 to level 17 (I am so going to miss that level 17 btw). In the evening after work, I walked by myself at the Concourse level & even watched the Uniqlo grande opening and had a major crush on the new version of Alex Yoong! Too hot to handle! (: Both Hubster & I were practically acting weird at that time. Watching a fashion show? I mean a local-at-the-concourse-level one? Come on! I'd better be doing something else, if it's the normal me.

Anyways bila sampai rumah, I hadn't had my dinner (the flu, remember?) I was feeling slighly nauseated so I went straight to bed. Hubster & I did made personal jokes to baby before we dozed off that night where we shaked the whole tummy saying "whoaa tsunami tsunami" for we just want to feel her move in the tummy that night, before sleep. Aww I'm missing that moment already!

3am, normal frequent trips to the loo for the Xth time. But I noticed I somehow had a leakage at the bed, I told Hubster "OMG apa ni" but since we were both sleepy as a zombie, I chose to ignore and thought that must've been one of the heavy discharge. 7am, Hubster already up & about for work where I'm still contemplating whether to take MC or go to work. Under the duvet, I felt the long-lost enemy:period pain. That was weird, yes. It has been 8 months since I last had one. Since I sorta knew how to handle the pain I went back to sleep. 730am, the pain grew slightly stressed and the usual normal way to handle the pain is by berak la of course (for me). Climbed out of the bed and went to the toilet, that was when I saw some bloodish mucus & immediately called Hubster.

"Dah 'show' ke?"

"Tak tahuu.."

"Jom je la pegi hospital check"

So I took my own sweet time to shower, berak and all. After showered, saw Hubster dah siap ready semua dengan hospital bag segala bagai (itu pon hospital bag tak sempat packing, cincai campak je) I was still in denial I said "tak payah la bawak bag, fake labor je ni"

Off we went then, mengharungi traffic jams pagi tu dulu. By that time from what I remembered I think I had around 3 contractions but it just felt like mild period pain so I still could handle it. We laughed and made jokes in the car saying the baby is giving a revenge after the tsunami-incident last night ehehee. I slept halfway (since tgh jammed kan) Sampai PCMC dah pukul 930am, we parked as usual. Masa dalam lift from the car park to the lobby, that was when my water broke.

Tapi meleleh je takde la in a huge gush (or maybe meleleh because I wore a pantyliner and most of the water had been absorbed by it). Hubster wanted to go to the emergency side terus but being me, I still denied it and said let's just go to the clinic and see how it goes from there. Bila dah sampai counter, I told the nurse "I had no appointment today but this morning there was some bloodish thingy keluar" The nurse in-charged immediately sent me to the other side of the clinic (the far end) and put me in a labor room. I still made jokes with the nurse "Saya tak sure la nurse tatau la kalau terkencing ke apa, entah entah fake je ni kot"

See? I was so in denial man!

So much of wanting an overdue labor. Pfftt ;p

Anyways inside the labor room, they installed some monitor system to check my contractions for 30 minutes. In that 30 mins I think I only had one contraction so the nurses weren't fully that satisfied with the results. Luckily Dr Seri arrived and she funnily asked what did we both do till I was in the labor room 3 days just after seeing her. Hehee. She checked me physically (okay yang ini mmg sumpah uncomfortable gila where she cucuk her jari inside okay! At first I thought dekat luar2 je ini memang masuk dalam gila and gerak2 till I shouted jugak laa) and she confirmed I'd beautifully dilated 4-5cm at that point.

They quickly made me changed into the robe & everything. Since I have another 5cm to go, Dr Seri advised Hubster to go take all the stuffs needed (kurma, air zam zam, air lusuh and all such since we didn't bring any kan) for normally 1cm will take 1hour to be dilated. Off he went then. Big mistake! No wonder I felt tak sedap hati nak let him go off my side that time. Since I'm being left all alone there, in the labor room & the midwife advised if dah sakit sangat rasa nak berak, push the call button.

The temperature in the room was slightly cold, as far as what I remembered. Dah lah macam demam sikit kan, so they had to inject some antibiotics and vitamins into me to help me gain some energy for labor later. They sent me a breakfast: bubur ayam and I ate like a cow sebab tak makan apa since malam semalam kan. Texted few friends & Mubin called, talked to her for few minutes, masih boleh bergembira, hehs =)

Then the first contraction after that was slightly strong but I still could bear it. Menggigil2 dah menahan sakit dan sejuk, that was what I remembered most during the crucial times. I felt like asking for a huge blanket because the robe was that thin & I'm practically all bare. Second contraction came and maybe sebab menahan sakit sangat, I vomitted. Nurses came & had to clean up the mess. By that time memang dah menggigil tahap dewa & I texted Hubster to ask his whereabout. Nak text tu pon struggle gila, and when he said he'd just reached home memang kecewa gila sebab sakit gila at that time & I sorta need some supports. Time tu is around 11am.

By the way, it was me who opted for no painkillers nor anything. I want to try do this the natural way, and even had put my mindset on it since the Day 1 I knew I'm pregnant. Nurses did talked to me about all types & varities of painkillers but I politely refused. They agreed but they said in case of emergency they would still have to do something because first priority is the mummy then only the baby. Dr Seri said looking at my positiveness I might not be needing epidural and she encouraged me to keep remembering those breathing techniques I learnt before.

Third contraction came in, and I could no longer tahan. By that time kaki pon dah lemah memang rasa tak comfortable I just had to push the call button. Dengan menggigil2 nya lagi kan. Nurse came in & ran towards me since bantal semua dah tutup muka menahan kesakitan, hehs. She checked me physically & I heard she said "Ya Allah dah 8cm dah. Go get Dr Seri"

Dr Seri came in dengan tenangnya & tanya where's Hubster and they all said Hubster just reached home & Dr Seri said "hummhh sempat kee" Down gila time tu! Time tu nurses yang lain dah tanya2 nak injection tak apa semua but semua aku geleng. Then I remembered (time tu everything turned blurry sebab tahan sakitnya pasal & I was busy huffing & puffing) one nurse said to me "Okay but we're gonna give you some gas okay. It's not harmful it's just for you to not focus on the pain much" I took few huffs, tak help much pon gaseous tu or maybe it was me yang still refused to inhale it heh. Dr Seri checked & I heard "dah 9cm ni, mana husband dia" and she dengan tenang nya suruh midwife Nora called Hubster semua. Then I heard "haa dekat traffic lights?" Then she said to me "Sabar okay Raieza, we're gonna wait for your husband to come" At that moment memang nak je jerit "it's okay doctor, don't wait!" hehs

9.5cm came in a jiffy, and finally it was 10cm! Dr Seri asked me "do you want to wait for your husband?" I remembered I geleng dengan lajunya hahaa. Then she said "okay laa just push whenever you feel the next contraction ok" At that time dah takleh differentiate much the contraction and the other pains, everything felt numb. I just felt the strong urge to push. The moment I want to push I heard tirai langsir dibukak & all the nurses and Dr Seri said "haa finally sampai pon!" Then baru la I heard Hubster's voice. Wee =)

First push I was like teran je mana2 pon, main belasah je sebab in my mind I just want to get this over with. I had no painkillers at all, remember? My shortness of breath doesn't help at all. Instead of inhaling deep & push, I was huffing & puffing. It was really tiring, seriously! Second push, I was all over the place still. The midwife later told me that I was so tahan-ing the pain I forgot to focus on the pushing.

Final push, then baru lah dengar Dr Seri's voice "Raieza, focus there Raieza! Give your baby some air to breathe" and that moment baru la Hubster pon teringat the right technique where he helped to angkat my kepala sikit and time tu pon lepas focus betul2 baru la dapat gain energy to inhale deeply & push for the 12seconds. Alhamdulillah baby was successfully delivered in that single push.

This was before she got cleaned up and dimandikan.

Kira macam fresh from the oven la (:

I heard her first cries, and felt they put her on my chest. I longed to touch her but I was just too tired & besides, the pain was still there. But I remembered seeing her while still in pain tu. She was fair, blissful and all clean. The nurses semua cakap "macam tsunami dengan Raieza ni" because everything happened in a split second. Normally the baby would keluar, masuk sikit, keluar masuk sikit but Alhamdulillah I managed to push it in a single try. Maybe it's because of the size of the baby too (: Plus, the contractions in 30 minutes (roughly) je dah reached 10cm from 4-5cm. I think if I delayed here & there I might've been in labor in the car je.

Anyways, the contractions were still there for the delivery of placenta but nothing major. Alhamdulillah baby is fine but I had some minor complication for the placenta delivery. Some parts of the placenta were still attached to the uterus wall & weren't being delivered, still tertinggal inside. Thank Lord for Dr Seri's 20+ years of experiences she managed to pull it off jugak. But it was quite sakit laa where she had to tekan here urut there. The whole placenta thingy took more minutes comparing to the baby. At that time nak je jerit "oi tak habis lagi ke!"

The moment Hubster & Dr Seri said "okay dah habis dah" Pheww time tu memang lega gila ya Allah =) After few minutes I am back to the normal me. Dah tak pandangan kabur semua dah. They put the little girl on me & tried to latch for the breastfeeding. Baby girl's so smart, she latched on the first try & sucked beautifully. Since Nia is considered prematured baby, Dr had to go a thorough checkup on her to ensure all the organs are stabilized, or else incubator it is. But Alhamdulillah, all organs are well developed. Dr even asked me whether I gave the correct first date of last period last time. Semua pon ingat salah kira, sedangkan memang betul since I tracked my own period (thanks to iPhone application) sebab dulu kan ada period pain yang super dahsyat, so I need to know bila estimate period date supaya painkiller sentiasa ada.

Alhamdulillah I am proud to say I safely delivered one fine 2.36kg baby girl with normal delivery method without any painkillers and with a single minor bruise only.

Takde koyak like what I feared most heheh.

After everything is done, then only I was being transferred to a proper ward. Hubster has always been a complete charmed in helping & supporting, couldn't get through this without him. Thanks btw to all who came visited, wished the warm wishes & prayers, presented with amazing gifts & all, I couldn't thanked you all enough :)

My experiences might be a lil too simple, fast & not too thrilled where I had it all in less than an hour, as compared to others who might've had it the other way round, masyaAllah. I am forever grateful & syukur to Allah SWT for the miracles and I pray for His guidance always, in raising this one huge amanah given to us in this world, insyaAllah. I might not be that qualified but my advise to all the soon-to-be mothers is to keep that positive mind & have faith! (:

Will share some of the lotions/gels/tips I used during pregnancy to ease the labor processes. Tak tahu lah betul2 helped ke kan but it's no harm to try pon kan? (:

Ouh geez, I am so a very proud mother of

Aira Rania binti Ahmad Ehsan :)

lil princess is here (:

2011-05-06T11:29:00.003+08:00

finally!

she's early, I must say =) since from the calculation date she was expected to due in end of May 2011 and even from last week's last check-up, the doctor said she's small still so she might be out in 2nd week of June (latest) considering she hadn't engaging nor anything yet pon during that time.

Tetiba je decided nak keluar 4 days after ay?
One funny clown la baby girl ni (:

Will blog about the labor, breastfeeding & all these tiny mommyhood details' experiences later, once I find the right time.
Would love to keep that parts in this small space of mine.

As of now, Alhamdulillah everything went well.
Couldn't thanked the mighty Lord enough for the miracles.

Oh well, she's the perfect Mother's Day & Birthday gift ever.

Ain't she an angel? =)
never thought such love could exist in this world.

From now on, I'm a one very happy mummy!

Baby Checklist

2011-05-05T14:27:00.001+08:00

*this is a sticky post! roll downwards for updated post :)*

yayy, the first baby checklist :) This baby is surely to be spoiled by me, I could almost guarantee it, hehe. Anyhoo even when I was at 9 weeks pregnancy I'd already made the list just so I could have an overall look on how much expenditure do we need for the baby. It's quite a long list, I almost have a heart-attack for it, thanks those who provide this (got it somewhere from someone's blog) sorry can't help it, I just feel the need to list it all out here so Hubster & I could have a clearer picture.

The list goes to those who wish to present our baby (or merely us) some gifts later but didn't know YET on what to give the baby. The list might help, you know :) because there's always no use for redundancy, hehee :)

(actually there's no need to, this is just to ease our progress :)
but some well wishes & doa from you guys might've help too)

1) Travel system

~~stroller~~ finally after months of browsing from this brand to this and that, finally we're settling for Quinny Buzz. I'm getting the red one :D At first we almost paid for Stokke Xplory but after 100th rounds of trips to Mothercare to really finalizing reviews of both functionalities, taking other people's advices and all, we think we'll be settling for Buzz instead. Xplory would've been the ultimatum of my dream stroller of course. But of course too, it comes with such a hefty price tag (RM5k!) so after much rationale being put into consideration, Buzz it is then :)

~~stroller travel bag~~ -
comes free with the stroller package :)

~~car seat~~
For birth - 9months, will borrow from my sister's je. But afterwards yg 9months - 3years old, tengok budget next year lah k. ~~But still I think if I have the extra budget I'm gonna get the~~ ~~Maxi Cosi~~ ~~jugak sebab it fits into Buzz's travel system. So for newborn kinda senang to carry and attach to its stroller.~~ Got it! (:

~~nappy bag~~
~~aiming for LeSportSac diaper bag baby collection. Just because the price is affordable, it's funky & it's cool~~.
Yayy got it while we were in Korea last November. It was on sale and pretty much worth it. So we bought 1 for the outdoor bag (should fit for some essentials) and a larger one for the baby bag itself for dia nak balek kampung or anything hehee (:

baby sling
aiming for BabyBjorn's in black or combination with red.

2) Bed Cot/Bedding/Baby Drawers

I'd love to have the theme of the nursery/baby cot area to be ladybug :) the red will enhance the combination of yellow & pink as background.

something like this but with a lil touch of red ladybug here & there :)

~~Bed cot~~
maybe nak borrow from my sister je la kot but how to transfer to KK tu kena think later

~~cot bed mattress~~
comes together with the bed cot

bedding set
should you guys find yg ladybug punya theme, tolong pls? It's so hard to find one here!

musical mobile
~~baby drawers/cupboards~~
~~baby pillows~~
baby monitor
there are a few dekat Mothercare, tak kisah brand kot, tengok la how

3) Baby Clothing Essentials/Baby Dresses

~~sleepsuits~~
we bought enough from Korea me thinks. She'll continues to grow anyways.

~~socks, mittens, hats~~
shoes
~~fleee blankets~~
~~baby laundry basket~~
~~diapers~~
Heard Mamypoko is the best of all the packages :)

~~changing mat~~
~~bedak~~
~~minyak segala apa entah~~

4) Feeding

~~Feeding bottles~~
~~aiming for Tommee Tippee bottles set. Actually it's as good as Avent, I made my researches. But I prefer Tommee Tippee's cute design better :)~~ thankssssssss OMG I CRIED when I know my friends bought this set for me. Real crying okay. Truly touched. Now I have to host a grand baby shower to repay them all.

~~Bottle bag~~
~~aiming for the Tommee Tippee bottle insulation bags. Anyone that's kind enough? :)~~

~~Breastpump~~
people say, should invest on a good one, which is Medela's ~~but the price is killing me! and it's just for breast pumping. Grrr. It's not like I'm going to pump it until he's 5 to 6 years right? so I really am not sure yet.~~ After few sessions with mummy Hood, and she explained all the PROs of breastpumping, Im contemplating either to get Ameda Dual Breastpump or Medela Freestyle. Ameda's price is definitely much cheaper compared to Medela's Freestyle, humh tak tahu lahh.

~~washing~~ ~~detergent~~ ~~for bottles~~
~~brush~~
nipple cream
~~nursing pillow~~
~~breast pad~~

5) Bathing/Baby Care

Baby bath stand (optional)
~~Baby box~~ - to keep things organized better (IKEA shoud helps)
~~Towels~~
~~Baby bath soap, shampoo, lotion, oil~~
~~Corn-starch powder~~
~~baby wipes, cotton buds, cotton balls~~
~~Baby nail grooming set~~
~~Washing detergent~~ ~~for baby clothes~~

6) Other Essentials

Rocker/Swings
I just don't like the idea of letting my baby lay on the floor when he/she's not sleeping. I prefer he/she to be on a rocker, at a more comfortable place. Right? Besides, it's perfect for feeding time later when they grow up :)

Toys
I'd prefer ladybugs to match the theme, bunnies, fairies & all twinkly stars =)

what else did I missed? Anyone?

it's such a cruel world

2011-05-04T23:07:00.000+08:00

It so is, these days! ): we just received the news that one of Hubster's bestfriend's sister just got murdered by the boyfriend, just because she wanted to break it off with him. How could that even be possible? I was so shocked, I stunned for a while. Is this for real? Anyways, Al-Fatihah to the family ): I couldn't imagined how they would feel right now. Dah la the family is planning for Hub's bestfriend's wedding at the end of this month. I, just, couldn't describe in any form of words on how the parents would feel.

It's in the newspaper btw, you can find it here.

Yes she might be involved with an older guy for she thought she was with someone wiser but anyways wiser or not, older or not, that doesn't mean that ass guy had any rights to do what he did. And I don't think the review on the paper is 100% completely true for they must've elaborated much to create the drama effect. I don't know. The family knows better.

Again, Al-Fatihah & deepest condolences to the whole family.

May Allah bless the family & may the soul be blessed in peace, insyaAllah.

Personally to Balloo, sabar. Semua ada hikmah.

another one booked & reserved!

2011-05-01T22:52:00.005+08:00

oouufff, another one of us got engaged, oh wow, such a bliss! (: things happened so fast this year man, God. One news after another, I barely have time to breathe & catch up!

My dearest Mubin is now engaged to her partner, Epull (yayy!), so hands off guys, she's off the list now (: It was a small affair ceremony yet grande nevertheless held at her home in Subang USJ, attended by family & close friends (: The food (which is a must for me to comment) is always awesome at Mubin's house. They always served the guests with different range of food unlike the normal boring catering. To name a few, thay had pecel lele, ulam & tempoyak okay! Awesome right? :D And dear dear Mubin wore a white modern kurung that day, she looked all so divine she could just be a bride already, heee :)

So dear Mubin, of course I am still smiling whenever I look at your engagement photos (couldnt wait for the official ones to come out though, I'm that vain hehee). And I still reminisced the time, last November 2010 when I came to your house with Hubster (where he played that soccer game with your lil brother) and we had a long chat between you, me, your mother & your father. Did you remember that? Did you remember what your parents said? And did you remember what I advised? (:

I'm not gonna make it a public statement here but see,

I told you dear!

I. FREAKING. TOLD. YA.

hehs =)

okay okay,
Congratulations again!!

Couldn't wait for the big main day of yours to come.

I looked so damn freaking fat sitting next to all these perempuan perempuan kerempengs, right? pschhtt

morning prayer

2011-04-26T15:23:00.000+08:00

every morning, I pray hard to the Lord that someone would be kind & well-mannered enough to offer his/her seat to me in the LRT.

Because it's getting huffier & puffier these days, especially after you had to walk miles from the parking lot (and it's berbukit bukit please). I no longer mind having to give that puppy pathetic face because I do need that damn seat.

(totally get this whole pregnancy-disabled thing now)

and especially when someone close to you have some priority but wouldn't offer nor share it to you.

Nevermind, I'll keep those positivity mind because I, strongly believe in karma.

Dear Lord,

You know I rest it all upon You.

Amen.

btw it's such a shame seeing a girl giving up her seat when a perfectly healthy young lad sitting next to her was pretending to be a total blind.
Malaysians, get some manners knocked into your big heads will ya?

shoo shoo away

2011-04-14T23:30:00.000+08:00

I'm going a little random and emo today.

I am a little stressed today. I have a lot of cleanings to do and I know I could not expect anyone to help any better than my own self. But the thing that make me angry most is that the inability to move that fast. I wanted to bend down and pick that stuffs on the floor but I just can't. I wanted to walk and move from point A to point B in a 2 secs but I just can't. I wanted to do this and do that and being able to rely on my feet for more than an hour but I just can't. Bila duduk sakit belakang, bila berdiri sakit kaki, bila baring sakit pinggang or sakit lower abdomen, bila tak buat apape sakit kepala, bila duduk diam pon rasa slightly nauseated sakit tak sedap badan berangin. What else, what's new? Bring it on! Geez, I just hate this feeling of being weak.

And then comes the mental problem. Arghh! Not helping. Not helping at all. Felt so weak after the endless cryings dah ni. Even when the baby is moving and growing I think she doesn't fit in the womb anymore because everytime she moves now it hurts, especially when she accidentally hits any organs or bones of mine (the rib cage especially) I'm so mentally-disturbed man! She's engaging halfway already and that means at times she was there at the lower abdomen and yes dear baby, you don't really have to push furthermore or turn here and there to make mummy hurts more. Mummy's all alone here remember? No one pities mummy anymore so help mummy out here okay dear little one?

I have to finish packing and cleaning soon. I just feel like changing the ticket and just go back tomorrow, leaving all the stuffs here. Everything hurts now. And by the way I stop trusting people. This whole journey really have thought me to be more careful with people. You don't have to act as if you care now, go on and move away from my life. Shoo shoo. I don't need more burden in my life.

double it up!

2011-04-13T21:28:00.000+08:00

I saw a pretty rainbow on my way back from the office today. A rainbow! Who doesn't love a rainbow right? But this time it was better, for there are two of them! (: Maybe it's a normal thing for you people, but not for me. I was so amazed I almost dropped my jaw to the floor. I too forgot I am 26 years old, soon-to-be-mum and one fatty fatso that I was jumping in joy till the guards had to remind me to be careful. Hehee (:

and yes, of course I took picture of it.

Too bad it was only from the camera phone :(

couldn't wait to send the red Ixus for repair!

so with this double rainbows I'm hoping things would be great for me this week.

Double happiness!

Double joy!

Double celebration!

*fingers crossed*